This should have been posted in the new year but I said to myself…

No.

Enjoy.

























Observe the following statements.

Then absorb this and use it in your everyday lives.


This is a stupid post.
This was made a couple of months back. Someone asked me if I can play as a guy on the back.

Sooooo…

Check out the guy on the back.

Diba ang gwapo nung guy at the back?

Here’s a break to all the mudslinging.

Last December 12, GMA held its annual Christmas Party at the Amoranto Stadium. Yes, 10,000 raffle hopefuls stormed the place and ransacked Pantranco’s House of Sports by littering the grounds by cigarette butts, beer cans, and yes… my oozing sex appeal.

Yes, I said it… my oozing sex appeal.

In the department competition, my unit posted third out of nine hopefuls in our annual best of the best duel. Since my entry in their fold, we have yet to win so this is somewhat of an “achievement”.

And this is a step up from the seriously creepy character I introduced two years back when they starred me as Michael V in the “Hindi Ako Bakla” MTV.

That was like… eww…

The only problem I had is that they made me too fruity so I would register great in front of a camera. I looked too fruity!

You can’t hear me rap, because I could only get the pics… so just think of me rapping to this.

Ang sabi ng iba masarap ang mane.
Ang sabi ko naman depende sa mane.

May mane-manehan, may tunay na mane.

Pero ang tunay na mane, babad sa weeweh!

And yeah, here’s a pic with my favorite stalker/groupie.

Break it down, Yo!



The guy has been staying in an unexplored land for so long that he almost encountered technophobia. He has practiced vine-traveling and he has replaced his love for guitars for tummy-thumping. Since returning to un-civilization:

1) He has yet to use silverware.
2) He learned to not use shoes.
3) He learned to clothe his self with soil.
4) He found that tree stalk tastes better than processed food.

So… his ability to properly type seriously escapes me.

Jorge: Retard!

The Sydman: Bitch! You're here!!?!

Jorge: Dude that is so gay… so F’N gay. I miss you too.

The Sydman: I don't care!

Jorge: Awww. Come here and give me a big hug! And don't mind the boner.


He is so big in words. Back in his oafish terrain, the only way people communicate is by sniffing someone else’s ass.

Jorge: Kausap ko kanina si Mark.

The Sydman: Ano sabi?

Jorge: Wag na. Baka tigasan ka din.


Jorge probably told Mark how he punctured his balls with a stick to make it as if he was menstruating.

The Sydman: So ano, how is life without civilization?

Jorge: Tangina, bakit ba yan lagi hirit! Sibilisado na kami noh! Matagal na kaming naka-bidet pag naglilinis ng pwet! Oh syet… it is the greatest invention known to man! Bye bye toilet paper… and hello soft buttocks!


Remember that “Red Guy” from Cow and Chicken? Picture that with ultra white skin and hair everywhere.

Now, go to sleep without thinking about that!

The Sydman: Basta sabi mo maniniwala ako.

Jorge: Grrr… ambagal ng wi-fi dito! Nagnanakaw lang ako sa wi-fi ng mga pari!

The Sydman: Ahhh… ok… pero diba dapat malakas ang signal sa taas ng bundok? Umabot na ba ang Jollibee diyan?

Jorge: Tagal na Jolibee dito noh pati Mang Donald!

The Sydman: Pero ang endorser pa rin ba niyan ay si Carmina Villaroel? At malamang may milkshake pa rin ba diyan? Damn it, you're lucky…

Jorge: Dude you're so old school! Teka lilipat ka na daw?


Here’s the thing: “that other company” is the enemy. I remember during this time, Christmas vacations were left high and dry after some of those dickheads accused us of making scams.

Almost a year later… and a bunch of cases launched due to their false accusations… let’s just say whatever nonsense they fed the public… is eating their souls.

I won’t even name that company on my site because that is advertising!

The Sydman: Don’t say shitty things! Bat naman ako lilipat doon!?!?!

Jorge: Sabi ni Geist!


Geist and Mark then flooded my monitor with this nonsense. It almost cost me my job! Damn you Jorge and your child-bearing hips!

Anyway, Mark gave a pretty cool insight on why he made such lies.

Mark Villasin: Naisip ko lang. Kaya mo ba kinakalat na lilipat na sa other network si Syd kasi wala kayong Channel 7 sa isla niyo?

Jorge Cosgayon: *gasp* Nabuking mo ako.


Anyway…

The Sydman: That's just plain wrong man. I should kick you in the nuts for saying that. Pero virtual kicking lang kasi hindi ko alam kung may overnight trip from Manila to jungle.

Jorge: Kasi diba bawal diyan ang office romance much less office nookie and office quickie? Well?

The Sydman: Dude wala ng office romance pag tatlong floors or more! Besides, in your land walang building! Bungalow na ang pinakamataas! Wala kayong tape measure diyan kaya hinlalaki lang ang gamit ninyo!!!!!

Jorge: Dude wala ng office dito kasi lahat kami telecommute! Hinlalaki lang ang damit ko in the comfort of my room! And I know you're enjoying the visual treat! Anong part kaya ng katawan ko ang tinatakpan?


Lives will forever be destroyed with this unlawful scenario.

Jorge: Atsaka dude, pano yan kung mabuking kayo? “Concerned” lang ako kasi bihira na nga mangyari sayo yan!

The Sydman: Una, hindi ko siya GF dito. We are officemates. Yun ang kasunduan ng aming relationship! But since alam na nila na “kami”, hindi na lang kami gumagawa ng mushy-creepy stuffs sa opis!

Jorge: Pucha! Pano yan? Yun na nga lang ang appeal ng office romance e! Within "Striking distance" ang cobra mo! Ay sorry, garden snake pala!

The Sydman: Ha! Funny you mentioned garden snakes kasi yan ang kinakain mo diyan sa kagubatan mo! And for the record, she's like sobrang bait so don't make fun of her!!!!

Jorge: I am not making fun of her! Alam ko na may ginamit kang “ritwal” para mabihag siya! Teka teka teka… before ang lahat, one question. And seryosong sagot ha!


I remember all the times Jorge would trap me in telling things that happened in the past. He rode in the “me having a GF” fever when it was over. He practically pigged past info that will never materialize on ever repeating and it bolts my ass to see him milking something that has seriously dried up!

Jorge: Seryoso ba to?

I had to think hard…

Jorge: Tangina ang tagal naman ng sagot! Tsk, masamang sinyales toh!

And write fast.

The Sydman: Dude six months ko siyang niligawan. Binasted niya ako sa simula pa lang at sobrang naasar ako pero bumalik ako tapos todong sinuyo ko siya! Record 6 months ang panliligaw ko! Tapos one week bago niya akong sagutin, sinabi niya sa parents niya na sinasagot na niya ako! So yeah, sobrang seryoso ako!

Was my explanation enough?

Jorge: Dude, yes or no lang naman hinihingi ko eh.

Damn it!

Jorge: So kung seryoso ka, dinala mo na ba sa tambayan?

The Sydman: Nakita na nina Geist, (name withheld upon fear of libel), Brian, Allan, Mark, and Janis pero hindi ko pa siya dinadala sa tambayan.

Jorge: Ows? Nakita na ni Allan? Hindi pa ba siya nagpapacute?


The Sydman: Sinong Allan ba ang sinasabi mo?!

Jorge: Si Ditty.

The Sydman: Akala ko Allan Canlas. Kelan pa siya naging cute??


Jorge made it sound like he had the hots for Ditty. All the moments they spent in Boracay walking hand and hand while carrying a 20-sided dice and a paper to store their hit points when they role play must have worked dividends!

Jorge: Ahhh… mahilig kasing magpa-cute sa syota yun eh. Kaya nga galit na galit si Jean dati sa kanya!

No, you’re ex was mad at Jorge because he is such a fairy.

The Sydman: By the way… how’s your chick?

Jorge: We're having fun in our little treehouse… na naka wi-fi.


He probably wasn’t kidding when he said that.

The Sydman: Na ninakaw mo sa pari? Eww. So ilang months na kayo ng chick mo?

Jorge: One year and two months. Tanong mo kung ilang months na ako dito? One year and two months… and a half.


Say what you want about this organism but chicks dig lead guitarists. Although I read somewhere that girls would rather fondle guys that strums ukuleles than rockers that plays bass.

And yeah, I made that all up.

The Sydman: At ano naman usually ang pinag-aawayan niyo?

Jorge: Kung sino ang uubos ng pizza!


Anyabang talaga ng putyaragish na ‘to.

Receiving 1 photo from Jorge...

At nagpapadala pa ng picture para makita namin ang kanyang exploits!

A problem occurred while transferring the file "Screenshot-1.jpg". The transfer has been stopped.

Jorge: Pfft! Mamaya na lang! Bagal ng wifi ng pari! Nagsi-stream pa kasi sila ng porn eh! Sayang I'm on a roll!

Luckily it was a mere insult-laden image on how he duped Mark on saying such un-insightful stuffs.

Blah!
Here’s another “Word War” from Jorge and Mark.


See who wins!


In lieu of the yuletide season, I am giving some of my bandwidth to the less fortunate…

It is for the exposure of some guy’s work.

Mark is actually the less fortunate guy I was talking about.

Thanks to Jorge for sending me this annoying thread… for Mark.




Unfortunately, the jpeg Jorge sent has either a weak resolution… or it just really can’t be enlarged.

Anywho, the fun part of the printscreen is excerpted below:

Jorge: Eat me.

Mark Villasin: Already did!

Jorge: *printscreen*

One reason why people shouldn't make do plugs for Valentine's Day when I am single and really angst-filled.

Also, admire the copy! If you notice, there's an awkward part... which was necessary for the konyo-like diction!

Hehe!


The title is German for "of an ill mind".

Just like this writer.

Anyway...

People demanded for me to write this. About 25 percent of my ardent followers (25 percent of 8 is 2) tasked me to put a column which concerns the following character you are about to comprehend now. This goes to show that yellow journalism exists in this site. With opening statements like this…

The Sydman: What’s up?
Evilbrain: Slave work.
The Sydman: Diba bading ang mga masters… este bosses mo?

… how can integrity exist?

Remember the previous blog where Via is trying to set up Geist to one of her friends?

Read on.

The Sydman: So... ayaw magsalita ni Geist.
Evilbrain: Hmmm…
The Sydman: So ikaw na lang ang i-interview-hin ko.
Evilbrain: POTA!

I can’t betray Geist’s trust because that would either give me PAIN or SEVERE PAIN. The only thing I could print here is:

Geist: Fuck! I’m not like (name withheld for fear of libel) na pino-phone pal ang katulong niyo!
The Sydman: *printscreen*

Yes, seethe on my journalistic pride.

The Sydman: Sooooo… first impression doon sa girl na nili-link kay Geist?
Evilbrain: Too much sugar in her system.


Janis treated us for drinks because it was her birthday. The culprits were her, Mark, Geist, Brain, (name withheld for fear of libel), Edson, Dulay, Hyubs, Kots, Allan, Blind, and me.

And yeah, there was another girl. The one that is linked to Geist.

The facts: She was nice but I don’t know if it was the alcohol in her system, but she seems loud… really loud. The girl looks like Tuesday Vargas and it was like open mic day in a local comedy bar.

Have I mentioned she’s really loud?

The Sydman: Scale of 1 to 10?
Evilbrain: 10996552826 to 10.
The Sydman: Dude, we are not talking about decibels... or pulse rate… and even speed of sound. Just stick to 1 to 10.
Evilbrain: For Geist... 10.
The Sydman: Is this because sinabi niyang interesante si Hyubs?

Alam niyo yung mga nurses na gumagawa ng case study about their patients? This could be what she was thinking when he first laid her eyes on Hyubs.

Evilbrain: I invoke my constitutional right against self-incrimination!
The Sydman: Damn it! All lawyers hate the media! Hindi kayo magiging lawyer kung hindi niyo pinapanood dati ang ALLY MCBEAL!!!!!


I had to say that.

Evilbrain: Hmmm… eto na lang: the first time I met "her" and I think she was still sober during that time, she scores 10 for Geist from my point of view. On the other hand last Saturday… well, you were there last Saturday so I don’t have to expound.
The Sydman: Ok... so... nung sober pa siya... paano nina Geist ginawa yung mga "moves" nila. I mean, may mga conversational skills naman yung mga gago. Why did Geist scored and the others lagged? And don't give me that bullshit na walang interested sa inyo because everything that shouts “Alpha Male” is a test of manhood!
Evilbrain: Well obviously matagal na silang magkakilala.
The Sydman: Pero pano yung mga hirit ni Geist? (name withheld for fear of libel)? Ikaw?
Evilbrain: Well (name withheld for fear of libel) played his part.
The Sydman: Malamang si (name withheld for fear of libel) nag-“barong doctrine”.

(Name withheld for fear of libel)’s barong is like his suit of armor. This makes employees of local bar joints tremble and people with mediocre occupations insecure. Whenever he wears his pink barong, no one is safe…

… This apparently bombed though when that girl showed up.

Mark Villasin: Sayang hindi ka nag-stay! Binabara niya si (name withheld for fear of libel). As in pag may hinihirit si (name withheld for fear of libel), it will be promptly shot down by the girl! Hindi ko na maalala in detail pero let’s just say hindi talaga naka-shine si (name withheld for fear of libel).
The Sydman: Siguro kasi hindi siya naka-barong?
Mark Villasin: Kumbaga nag-guest tayo sa talk show ni Jimmy Kimmel tapos si (name withheld for fear of libel) si Matt Damon!

Sarah Silverman is Jimmy Kimmel’s on and off beau. Silverman is also Matt Damon’s ex. Whenever Kimmel gets an opportunity to mock Matt Damon, he does it with gusto.

It was that bad!

Evilbrain: Ako silent with well placed side comments to get me in the conversation…
The Sydman: Like noong nagkita kayo ni Cindy, ikaw si "Mr. Side Comments Boy"!

When I first introduced Geist, Brain, and (name withheld for fear of libel) to Cindy, he was the guy that seldom talked but could deal a joke effectively.

This strategy is smart.

Initially I thought he was just plain wasted.

Evilbrain: Well Geist played his favorite part also.
The Sydman: Like the devil?
Evilbrain: Geist Played the scheming confidant you moron!
The Sydman: Which is the devil! Am I right!?!?!

Hmmm… so why am I saying Geist is the devil? For one thing, he threatened me to change his name so his relatives can’t google his identity on the internet. The other reason?

Geist: Have you heard Hyubs moan?
The Sydman: *printscreen*


This giggling emo moment was him playing Dota with our friends. It sounded like monkeys mating in the outskirts of an Africa desert. Monkeys should be offended by this statement.

The Sydman: So ano yung kicker? At bakit binibida nina Mark at Janis si Geist?
Evilbrain: Ala naman sina Janis at Mark doon.
The Sydman: WHOA!


For reasons that could sink a beautiful relationship (such as MY relationship with Cindy) this part has been edited.



To make up, for this tamper, here’s a pic:









Ito ang dahilan kung bakit ayokong maka-experience ng delubyo people know as Geist’s wrath. Para ba siyang isang magandang diwata?

Now back to the show!

Evilbrain: I neither confirm nor deny.
The Sydman: Sino naghatid pauwi?
Evilbrain: Ehem.


I am merely writing and posting this.

Evilbrain: Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?

I am MERELY writing and posting this!

Evilbrain: BISYO NA TO!
The Sydman: TANGINA! Kaya pala medyo chummy na yung dalawa noong Sabado?
Evilbrain: I don't remember. You tell me.
The Sydman: There was some kind of air of “hotness” revolving around him...
Evilbrain: Hotness, singaw, whatever…
The Sydman: So nung hinatid niya, pano niya nadispatsa kayo?
Evilbrain: Bumalik din naman siya. Hintatid niya lang DAW sa taxi pero parang antagal niyang nawala soooooo baka nahirapan lang siyang kumuha ng taxi. Ikaw talaga, iba ini-isip mo!

Well he got me there…

The Sydman: Yan ba yung tipong walang tint yung taxi kaya pinapa-moist? O yan ba yung tipong magwi-withdraw daw pero magdi-deposit din? Tapos withdraw… then deposit… withdraw… deposit…
Evilbrain: Ehem. I neither confirm nor deny.


Law persons are freaking hard to manipulate.

Especially if you are the Gigo-lawyer.

The Sydman: O sige pero ilang beses siyang hinampas nung girl? I mean yung hampas-gigil at hampas-lamas ha.
Evilbrain: Hmmm…

Hampas gigil is that force-laden hand slap you make because you are extremely fond of your beau. Hampas lamas is that smooth rub where the hand lingers and makes a trail downward to any point of the body where the “slap” originated.

Evilbrain: Hmmm…

Brain had to think long and hard.

Evilbrain: Hmmmmm…

He REALLY had to think long and hard.

The Sydman: Hmmmm???

And I HAD to help him.

Evilbrain: Marami ako na-inum nun e. Di ko maalala…
The Sydman: PUTANG INA NAMAN BRIAN KUNG IKAW ANG WITNESS, TALO NA AGAD ANG KASO!!!!!

Law persons are too safe for dishing funny statements.

The Sydman: Ehem… sorry… nabigla ako. Think hard. Mwah.
Evilbrain: Ewwwww! Basta may malupit siyang hirit noong gabi na swak!
The Sydman: Ok... so ano yun?
Evilbrain: Syd is gay?

That’s not it.

Evilbrain: Wait… wrong conversation.

I hate Brain.

The Sydman: So does this hirit concern about how the future is “uncertain”?
Evilbrain: Errrr… walang tatalo kay (name withheld for fear of libel) diyan.
The Sydman: Sabagay, yung isang opismate namin, one time sinabi niya na nandoon si jewel sa lobby ng floor namin… e Bisaya. Binugbog namin sa lobby. Akala namin si Jewel Mische. Akalain mo bang si Jewel Torre pala yung nandoon. So ano yung hirit?
Evilbrain: Abangan ang susunod na blogpost!

I hate it when the character gives an abrupt end.

Evilbrain: DUM! DUM! DUM! DUM! DUUUMMMMM!!!!!

I seriously do especially when I am the one "writing" it.

...
...

BITIN EH!

However, suddenly somebody buzzed me and told his take on what happened on that fateful drinking spree...
...
...

Edson: GAY!
The Sydman: O anong problema mo?

...
...
...
...

Edson Ortega... the adorable mongoloid.

END.


Via de Guzman: Eh ano ba naman iku-kwento ko tungkol kay Syd?!?!?

Hmmm… Via the matchmaker…

Pimping ain’t easy.

The whole thing started when I gave her a go-signal to look into my GF’s Friendster account. And yeah, the third thing… never let this guy into your way of thinking.

Geist: Ummm… that he is gay?
Via de Guzman: Ipapahamak ko ba si Syd????
Geist: Ummm… you could start with that.
Mark Villasin: Gamitin mo ang “creativity” mo!!
Geist: At least hindi magugulat si Cindy kasi you are doing her a favor.
Mark Villasin: Tapos kami na bahala sa evidence…
Geist: Fuck, I’m so evil!
Via de Guzman: Tama na nga! Friend ko si Syd! Wala ako gagawing ikasasama niya!

While reading this… na-touch ako sa mga comments ni Via…

Geist: True ba yan?
Via de Guzman: Pero alam mo, ganung bago pa lang, desperate for info siguro yan about sa BF niya. Tungkol sa nakaraan... kung pano siya dati…

Biglang UMURONG luha ko.

Geist: So ganun ka pala nung kay Mike? Well I met Cindy and I don’t think na ganun siya.

*sniff*

AT dahil diyan hindi ko na ilalagay ang pangalan mo sa blogsite ko para hindi ka na habulin ng mga pinagtataguan mo.

Via de Guzman: Well good.
Geist: Kasi di naman niya mababawi ang mga pagkakamali na kanyang nagawa!
Via de Guzman: Yan ang akala niyo!!!
Mark Villasin: HELMET!!!!

Insert diabolical laughter.

Who needs enemies ‘pag kaibigan mo ‘to!?!?!?!?!

MOVING ON…

I didn’t actually witness but I got reports almost a year back on how Via plays cupid on her friends.

Flashback!

A year ago, when I was single and less fatter (I was overly hot then),

jorgecosgayon: Tsk! May hot friend si Via! Kagabi ko lang nakilala!
The Sydman: How hot?
jorgecosgayon: Well… hmm… that's hard. Ano ba standard measure naten?
The Sydman: 30 % face, 15% boobs, 15% ass, and 40 kalogness*.

* Ang Salazar’s Technical Institute of Gwapology’s Theory of “Hotness for Women”.

jorgecosgayon: Hmmm sa face, cute sya so 23%. Sa boobs ‘di ko napansin seriously!
The Sydman: 23 + 0…

Ano… huhusgahan niyo ba ang theory ko?

jorgecosgayon: So gawin natin average na 7.5%. Ass ‘di ko din napansin so 7.5%. Kalogness… 40%...
The Sydman: 40% ang kalogness niya??

Apart from the awesome physical presence, we boys believe that hotter chicks comprise of beauty and brains (brains with the intent that she’ll earn for you) and KINKINESS.

Kalog girls are hotter because this means they are also kinky.

Beauty without brains is straining. Beauty and brains could be snobbish. Beauty and brains and kinkiness is like superbly awesome!

jorgecosgayon: Oo pare!
The Sydman: 38 + 40 = 78. Nasa 8 siya??? Well, here's an un-bonus question: Saan siya nakatira at pano siya magsalita?
jorgecosgayon: Hmm… taga-Makati yata siya so ouch. Sobrang ouch. Pag magsalita, hmmm…
The Sydman: Sosyal, normal, palengkera, may Visayan accent, matining. If she's an artista sino kamukha niya?
jorgecosgayon: Hmmm… may hating sosyal na normal kasi nag i-Ingles pero ‘di konyotic! At pare feeling ko, we could talk for hours!
The Sydman: So did you get her number?

Cybersilence.

jorgecosgayon: Dude I was gonna… really… pero I got to think e. Pano to, uuwi na din ako. Unfair sa kanya, panget din sa akin.

Hmmm…







Woot??

The Sydman: YOU ARE NOT A MAN! Why make love suffer? Jive kayo, right? You're like Jericho Rosales in Forevermore but you're the ugly version.
jorgecosgayon: Fuck! That's like the corniest line you've ever said. Oh screw you repeatedly and with vigor!
The Sydman: You're the corniest line I have ever said! For the team... you didn't get the number for the team!!!
jorgecosgayon: What team?! I can always ask for it later!

As of November 27, 2008… he has yet.

The Sydman: That's “afraid” talk.
jorgecosgayon: Says the “Father of afraid talk”. Pero dude hindi sosi! Well… didn't strike me as such. Anyway parang ‘di pretentious so medyo ok. Kinda short though…
The Sydman: Dude cute kaya ang mga petite chicks.
jorgecosgayon: Well, ‘di sya petite, really more like short. Mga 5'2? Parang kasing height ni Via ata…
The Sydman: Hindi naman parang tinapyas ang leeg?
jorgecosgayon: Ay hinde…
The Sydman: Mukhang ulo tapos diretso balikat?

This prompted to scour information from THE source.

The Sydman: Ano tong nababalitaan ko?? May kinuwento si Jorge! Grrr... nagtatampo ako!
Via de Guzman: Alin yung inuman? Hindi ko naman alam number mo no!
The Sydman: Andaming excuses! Weh! Tinanong ko kay Jorge at according sa aming hotness scale ay nasa 8 siya!
Via de Guzman: Haha friend ko? Type ba ni Jorge? Haha naku masama palang sabihin na naaliw sya kay Jorge! Tsk, tsk! Baka mapa-ibig na naman si Jorge nang hindi sinasadya.


And in an instant, a conference chat spawned.

jorgecosgayon: SYD YOU PRICK!
The Sydman: Spill.
Via de Guzman: Meet Syd.
jorgecosgayon: Ako di mo introduce?
Via de Guzman: Mag-bespren na nga kayo hindi ba??
jorgecosgayon: Introduce mo pa din. Shy ako eh.
Via’s Friend: Hi bes! Sup bes!

I think this means “Hi best friend! What’s up best friend!” or… some sort of Bahasa saying which means "I have balls".

And I could be seriously wrong.

Via de Guzman: I feel something here. The air is getting warm…
Via’s Friend: Baka namatay aircon mo?
jorgecosgayon: Stop it, kinikilig ako!
Via de Guzman: Syd, you were saying something about a rating?
The Sydman: Spill out the beef.
jorgecosgayon: Anong beef?
The Sydman: Jorge, you're the beef.
Via de Guzman: Kasi Syd was saying something kanina about a 'rating' something. Parang 7 yata… or 9 ba?
The Sydman: Well, its better if we hear it from the horse's mouth.
Via’s Friend: Excuse me? Si Syd ba ay lalaki or babae?

I hate Via’s friend.

jorgecosgayon: Well that's debatable…
Via de Guzman: He’s a semi…
The Sydman: VIA LABAS! Oops. Loko lang. Old habits.
Via de Guzman: I wasn’t the first one who called you that! Jorge, ikaw ha…
jorgecosgayon: ANONG AKO!?! I’m a byutipul butterfly remember?

He’s not. More like a rabid bat… or a man that looks like a vagina…

The Sydman: Via... I hope Mike will lose all of his gay benefactors...
Via de Guzman: Fine with me kasi nandon pa rin naman ang mga dirty old women niya!
Via’s Friend: Nakakatawa si Syd.
The Sydman: Mas nakakatawa si Jorge.
Via de Guzman: Why do I find this soooooooooooo funny?

Then we three talk about Jorge’s “Farewell Tour”. It was kinda lengthy and we ended up talking about something that needs not to be named.

The Sydman: Dalhin ko si Edson? The adorable mongoloid? Subukan ko. Pero that crazy mofo mustn't get drunk. Or else kasi... como se dice "satan in a tight fit cutaway haltertop" en Espanol? Dude asan na yung friend ni Via?
Via de Guzman: You drove her away. Wala daw siyang maintindihan sa pinaguusapan niyo.
The Sydman: O sige, we'll talk "girly" stuffs.
Via de Guzman: Yeah well, talk about shoes, the coolest hangout places…

It’s like we’re going to do QTV’s version of The Man Show called Livin’ It Up with Tim Yap and Raymond Gutierrez.

The Sydman: So nakapunta na kayo sa Boutique ni Monique? Kapag lalake ka, magbabayad ka ng 100 pero sukli mo 1000? Tapos may libre ka pang maong…

End of flashback!

So what’s new exactly 400 DAYS LATER?

Lupit no?

Actually hindi talaga 400 days… pero superbly maangas siguro kung ganon no?

Via de Guzman: Masasabi ko na MOST girls are curious about their BF’s old flames.
Geist: So ikaw… Naging super curious ka ba noong start niyo ni Mike?
Mark Villasin: Hindi nga sila naguusap kapag magkatabi e…
Via de Guzman: Actually, lahat ng mga nakausap ko or baka lahat lang ng nakausap ko ay maraming insecurities.
Mark Villasin: Ayokong magkwento!!

Via said this: “Masasabi ko na MOST girls are curious about their BF’s old flames.”

What’s with Mark?

Geist: Via sana walang old flames. Mahirap na.
Via de Guzman: Quiet na nga!
Geist: So marami ka palang alam kay Syd?
Via de Guzman: Ano naman alam ko? Isang ex lang alam ko. Ni hindi ko pa nga alam ang full story eh. Tama na! This is invasion of privacy! Baka nai-irita na si Syd!
Geist: Wala yun! Anything na i-feed mo sa blog niya gagawin niya!

Well actually the alternative name of Snapshots is invasion of privacy…

… and if you’re seeing this on my blog then I’m just a very, very creepy attention whore.

Via de Guzman: Ahhh… okay. So, sa susunod ikaw naman?
Geist: Never!
Via de Guzman: Kase mga “under the radar” yata kayo eh. Si Syd lang kasi ang alam ako.

There was a time when I almost mailed my story to Maalaala Mo Kaya.

But due to network loyalty, I’ll just send this to Dear Friend.

Ika nga ni Jorge… chuvachoochoo.

He is that gay.

Geist: Buti sana kung may papakilala ka! Kung meron, edi may kwento ka na!
Via de Guzman: May BF?
Geist: Hindi naman ako seloso.

He’s just kinky.

Via de Guzman: Pwede ba may anak? Although walang BF…
Geist: Okay lang Via. Father figure naman ako eh!

Let’s see if anything happens to this conversation after 400 days!

END.

Nov 20 08

I was sort of in “behind-the-scenes” mode because I was busy thinking of ways to make a plug for some show hoping to induce “insomnia” and “improper sleeping habits” to people.

* upsound Jeopardy theme *

The Sydman: Usap kayo. nagtatapos lang ako ng script.
Mark Villasin: Ikaw lang ba pwedeng maging busy?!?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Tol, lumabas na Fallout 3.
Mark Villasin: Nalaro ko na.
Gelo: Link?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Job posting: Graphic artists?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Dapat isali niyo si Dulay dahil graphic ang mga kinakalat niya sa cyber world!


Dulay’s picture in his Facebook account had him topless in front of a webcam.

Unless you love gore…

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Don’t go there!
The Sydman: Haha, Via dumudugo ilong…
Via de Guzman: Yes I’m tuning out.
The Sydman: Wala kasing makausap na babae... nasa ibang planeta kasi si Jorge eh.


For the sake of knowing, Jorge is in some kind of dimension we call Capiz.

Via de Guzman: Wala na akong narinig kina Allan at William kung hindi Fallout! Iba naman pagusapan natin! LET’S TALK ABOUT BOYS!!!

Dead silence.

Crickets on the background.

What the hell?

The Sydman: Alisin na natin si Via?
Via de Guzman: CHE! Alis ka diyan! Nagu-usap kame ni Mark!
The Sydman: Boys?!?! Fall out tapos boys?

This thread is turning to be VERY emo!

Where is Hyubs when you need him?

“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Syd nagpunta kame sa Quatro’s kagabi! Dapat sumama ka kasi yung banda dun ayos! Sigurado may maa-alala ka!
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Bakit? Sino sighting niyo kagabi?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Ayan! Magparaos ka na kasi Brain! Nag-iinit ka na naman!
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Eto ba yung chick yung lead singer? Oo may maa-alala nga si Syd!

I have no idea what they are talking about.

“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Pero it was different kagabi, Brain! Malupit talaga! Feeling ko nga prang nasa Cubao ako eh! Sinubukan namin yung bagong beer ng San Miguel (Free plug! Free plug!) Yung all malt! Tangina nakakabusog!
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Akala ko sa iba kayo nabubusog?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Ayan na tol, signs yan! Magparaos ka na kasi! Nag-iinit ka na naman!

I have no idea what they are talking about.

* hugas kamay *

Mark Villasin: Di ba may arraignment si Brain ngayon? Did I say that right?

We non-lawyers basically injure ourselves in pronouncing lawyer terms.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: I dodged a bullet kanina. Absent ang fiscal.
Mark Villasin: Lucky bastard.
The Sydman: I saw my name. It seems to lead in something brutal. How so na magugustuhan ko to?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Next Wednesday punta tayo kahit konting inum lang.
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: San to?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Quatro nga! Pare nagi-init ka na naman…
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Oo na! Ang init ko! Ang dumi ko pa!
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Lagyan mo nga ng yelo ang singit mo para lumamig!
Via de Guzman: Ok that’s my cue! See you later boys!


We keep on forgetting Via is a girl.

Moving on.

“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Via musta pala si Mike?
Via de Guzman: Maayos naman. Bakit kayo ayaw niyong pumunta sa I-Cue?


We hang out on a computer shop near UST. I-Cue is a computer shop 29,000 cartwheels away from where we are comfortably staying.

“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Walang time.
Via de Guzman: Magsa-sara na ang pinupuntahan niyo!
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Naku nangji-jinx ka ng tambayan!
Via de Guzman: Tip lang ni Syd ang bumubuhay sa kanila atsaka ni (name withheld upon fear of libel).
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Hindi naman kasi kame nakakalaro kapag pumupunta kame dun pero try na rin naming dumaan.
Via de Guzman: Ako kasi “boss” nila dun e. Nangi-nginig tuhod nila kapag sinabi ko!
Mark Villasin: Akala ko Princess?
Via de Guzman: WHAT’S THIS I’M HEARING?!?!


Being the lone girl Via has earned the right to mutilate the men that resolves around her epicenter. Most likely to be severely hit is Mike.

Mark Villasin: Si Via din ang China.

No, Via is not THAT fat.

The Sydman: Kwento.
Via de Guzman: Anu ba yon?
Mark Villasin: Pag iiwan kami ni Mike, sisigaw siya ng “For China” tapos magkikita kayo!
Via de Guzman: Di ko gets…
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Hindi rin namin gets basta ang alam namin “Mike, saan ka pupunta” tapos “For China” tapos aalis na siya. Parang battle cry…
Via de Guzman: So ibig sabihin meron siyang pang-motivate bago ako puntahan?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Actually, may iba siyang pinupuntahan bago sayo. May gay benefactor siyang pinupuntahan bago sayo kasi in need siya ng cash!
Via de Guzman: Well.. paki niyo ba if he’s making good money!

* sniff * How “retard”-edly sweet.

“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Kelan ka ba naging pikon??
Via de Guzman: Sino ang pikon???


One thing I learned from these online conversations is the fact that you should never be too quiet because this makes you the perfect…

Via de Guzman: So Syd kumusta na? Masaya? Lagpas 1 month na kyo diba?

… fallback.

Mark Villasin: Secure na secure!!! At hindi pa rin siya nagbibigay ng helmet!!!

Writer’s note: I will… promise.

Via de Guzman: Buti pa si Jorge kinukwento lovelife nya!

By this time I was about to endorse my deliverables. You know when you’re busy roaming the workplace when you are chatting standing up!

Mark Villasin: Wala pala hinihiritan mo e.
The Sydman: Masaya!


Like I said… hard to keep up if you juggle work with musings.

Via de Guzman: More than one month na ba?
The Sydman: Yeah!
Via de Guzman: Hmmm… officemate?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Ang bilis nito manghula!
The Sydman: Yeah!
Via de Guzman: Cougar ba siya o sugar daddy ka?
The Sydman: Sugar daddy na siya kasi SOBRANG cougar na siya?

Here’s the thing: I may not be thinking right about the questions because I did not know where the questions were directed. Why? Because these guys were also talking.

Mark Villasin: Sino nasa Area*?

* name of tambayan.

"The Forcexecutor" Alan Canlas: Ako pa lang.
Mark Villasin: Sino ka ba?!?
"The Forcexecutor" Alan Canlas: Sino ka muna?!?!?!


Anyway, just when I thought it was directed on Alan I was dead wrong because it was just a case of boy missing boy friend.

Moving on…

The Sydman: Ako ang bata.
Via de Guzman: Hindi pala sugar daddy… DOM sya! E sino mas dominant sa inyo? The Sydman: May dominant bang boyfriend?


Is… there… such… a… thing???

Via de Guzman: E sino mas maganda… Mark or Tomi?

You have to admire the superbly executed segue!

Mark Villasin: Ako! Ay! Below the belt na yan. You lost me there...
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Hoy bruha ka! Mas maganda ako kay Mark!
Mark Villasin: Sige nga mag-palda ka!
The Sydman: Fetish yun ni Via... lalakeng naka-palda...
Via de Guzman: Hoy sira!
The Sydman: Mike mag-palda ka! Tapos gumiling ka to the tune ng "Wish" ni Donna Cruz at Jason Everly!


WISH! Take me by the hand and WISH!

“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Kasi ganito gawin natin! Kung si Via nagtatanong e di dapat babalik ng tanong si Syd! Parang sino mas dominant… Syd tapos Via! O game, sino mas dominant sa inyo ni Mike?
Via de Guzman: Well mas demanding… mas maingay ako…
The Sydman: *printscreen*


I like the fact that even in busy moments I can still admonish insults!

The Sydman: Mas maingay… BWEHEHEHEHE!!
Via de Guzman: TADO!
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Syd ang aga naman…
The Sydman: WATDIDAYDO???
Via de Guzman: Oo nga… hindi pa juicy ang content e!
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Syd sumagot ka dahil kung hindi, ibibigay ko kay Via yung Friendster address niya. Via gusto mo makita Friendster?
Via de Guzman: Of course! Wala naman dapat ikatakot si Syd eh!
The Sydman: Cindy. Nasa featured friends ko na yun. Teka. Endorse lang ako ng mga scripts.

By this time, I took my stuffs and went to a thing us network creatives call “pre-production”. Lahat ng makikita niyo below… ay ngayon ko rin lang nakikita.

That is until I edit the stuffs.

“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Aba inamin!
Via de Guzman: Ano ba naman gagawin ko kapag nakita ko ang Friendster niya? Pwede ko ba siyang i-message?!?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Parang blackmail na lang dapat.
Via de Guzman: Ay pwede nga… pwede ko ba siyang kwentuhan kahit hindi kami magkakilala?!?
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: Sabihin mo “Hi I’m Via, ako yung muntik ng maging kamaganak ni Syd”!
Mark Villasin: Tawa ka nga!
“The Nota-ryo” Geist: YIHAH!!!!


This is not good.

END



From the character tag, you will think that this write up is meant for Mark Herras.

No.

And by the title, you’ll probably hope that this will be an announcement of an upcoming movie which will stars Chuck Perez and Shiela Ysrael.

Hell no.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Knowing you, nothing is safe.

I am still looking at copyright laws…

By the way, in order to make this read more extremely awesome, I would like to thank myself for the seriously enormous data that I have stored in almost two years of blogging!

The Sydman: I wonder my life if I didn't do Communication Arts...
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Its either you’re not gay enough or you’re too gay. I suspect the latter.

That statement prompted me to do this.

The Sydman: Alam mo ang ganda ng lead-in ko sa conversation na to. It starts with…

Flashback!

erisedbrain: Tarantado! Anong pinagsasabi mo na mahilig ako kay Sharon Cuneta!!
The Sydman: Online bagsak nito gago!
erisedbrain: Whatever makes your balls hairy man!
The Sydman: Which is not you by the way.
erisedbrain has signed out. (11/27/2007 5:03 PM)

End of Flashback!

No BS… pero this piece came almost a year ago.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: YOU WOULDN’T DARE!
The Sydman: www.thesydmanshow.blogspot.com
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: kg;ldfgnjsalgkndslkgdsg;klj

This is Brain banging his head on the keyboard.

The Sydman: Whatever makes you giddy pare.

Another Flashback!

erisedbrain: One word pare… "Katz".
The Sydman: Wrong spelling pare. Malamang iniisip mo “Kate”.

End of Flashback!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: SHUT UP! Anak ng… may archive ka pa nun? Antagal na non ah!
The Sydman: Hinahanap ko kasi yung conversation na sumali si Catz tapos sinabaw ako ng lahat ng tao including her. Niri-request kasi nina Ditty at Via kaso hindi ko na makita eh.

Like I said, I would like to REALLY, REALLY thank myself for the seriously enormous data that I have stored in almost two years of blogging!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Sabi ko nga. Knowing you, nothing is safe.
The Sydman: Damn it! I am a good boy!
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Gay boy. Damn gay boy to be exact!
The Sydman: Dude… haven’t you learned anything?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: I refuse to learn anything!

Flashback Number Three!

anime_fan_me: Hehehehe...... nasa Makati si Brian ngayon... nag-pasa ng resume...
The Sydman: Sa pagiging gigolo? O mother butler?
anime_fan_me: Yun ang hindi niya nabanggit sa akin! Hehehehe! Me lang mag-isa sa bahay!
The Sydman: Malamang both. Basta bantayan mo siya ng maigi. Nanood kayo ng One More Chance?
anime_fan_me: Siya hindi pa. Why?
The Sydman: BAKET!?!??? Alam mo bang favorite actor ni Brian si John Lloyd Cruz kaso nahihiya siyang manood ng mag-isa kasi baka asarin namin siya! Yayain mo! Matutuwa yun! Swear!

End of Flashback!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: PUTA!!!!
The Sydman: Dude... WAZAP!?!?!
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: I hate you.
The Sydman: Oh no you don't!
The Sydman: This is like a flashback episode!

Sobrang cluttered ng mga files ko pero at least nakakapag-blackmail ako!

Flashback Number Four!

The Sydman: Basta, trip ni Brian ang Pinoy Art Films.
anime_fan_me: Talaga? Hindi ko alam yun ah. Ang sabi niya sa akin puro English films lang ang pinapanood nya...
The Sydman: ANO KA BA! Dahil lang kasi gusto niyang maging cool!!!
anime_fan_me: Talaga? Hmmm... baka naman magalit sa akin yun pag sinabihan ko siyang manood nun?
The Sydman: Pero ngayong nandyan ka na, pwede na niyang magawa ang hindi niya nagagawa dati! Tulad ng mag-bike sa Circle…

End of Flashback!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: MAG-BIKE SA CIRCLE!?!?! Where do you get this shit pare!?!?! Nagawa mo na ba?
The Sydman: Dude... hanggang di tumitigil ang conversation na to, there is NO end. At hindi ko to nilabas dati pare…

Loyalty check mga pare…

The Sydman: NGAYON LANG!

*sipol* *sipol*

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Petiks na ako sa office hanggang Six. Wala na bossing ko.
The Sydman: Dude nag-lunch ko kasama si Cindy. Hanggang ngayon YM pa rin ako. On the side, gumagawa ako ng sports blogs at snapshots. Tapos ang PSP game ko ay ongoing. What else is new?

I am just joking here by the way.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Try wanking with your left hand?
The Sydman: Done that sa handicap CR... it didn't go well with a PSP on the right hand.

I am ALSO just joking here by the way.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: You flushed your PSP? Or nag-bukake PSP mo?
The Sydman: What did you do? Want another flashback??
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Heeeey!!!!!!

Flashback Number Five!

The Sydman: At bakit siya magagalit? Lubos ang galak sa kanyang mga mata oras na ginawa mo yun!
anime_fan_me: OMG... todo Tagalog ito... lubos ang galak... marami ka bang alam na Tagalog movie?
The Sydman: Bakit ka nagtataka sa aking lenggwahe? Ako'y limitado pagdating sa mga pelikulang lokal. Ngunit meron akong kakarampot na nalalaman. Basta alam ko, mahilig si Brian sa mga Pinoy drama. Basta lahat ng films ni Sharon Cuneta, Maricel Soriano, at Redford White.


So this means this conversation came hours before the stuff Brain said on the first flashback.

anime_fan_me: Ok...
The Sydman: Basta madrama.
anime_fan_me: Naloka ako dun...
The Sydman: Katulad ba ni Brian ‘pag nanonood siya ng Pitong Gamol?

End of flashback!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Pitong Gamol… classic.
The Sydman: Isang beses ko lang na nakausap yun.
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Thank God.

Flashback Number Six!

The Sydman: Hindi ba nga film buff ang Ate niya?
anime_fan_me: Yup.
The Sydman: Basta, yayain mo si Brian. Nood kayo ng pinoy flicks. Sure ako matutuwa yon!
anime_fan_me: Sige… try ko one time… pag nagalit yun… sasakalin kita!
The Sydman: Kung ayaw mong maniwala, edi ‘wag! Tinutulungan ka na nga e! Maniwala ka, hindi magagalit yun! Malamang mag-gym pa nga yun afterwards!
anime_fan_me: GYM!?! NAGI-GYM YUN!?!?!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: GYM?!?!

By the way… End of flashback!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: ANAK NG PUTA!!!!!!
The Sydman: Yes my friend, the epitome of needing to destroy your fats because your beer-drinking machismo is not enough to please ANY woman. Either turn gay and go to the gym or go to the gym to eventually turn gay.
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: True… it’s a vicious cycle.
The Sydman: Yup. And for some reason, nawala na yung mga iba kong archives.
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: And for some people, they are rejoicing over that fact.

But having archives has its perks.

Flashback!

The Sydman: So Via... kung isang beses na-trap ka sa elevator kasama si Noel...

Writer’s Note: Noel kind of looks like a mix between Willie Miller and Norman Mitchell. Yes… he’s that black.

The Sydman: Tapos mainit… tapos nag-tanggal siya ng damit revealing a glow in the dark dragon tattoo sa kanyang dibdib… ano kayang mangyayari?
jorgecosgayon: Dude…
The Sydman: Jorge, I'm not asking you.
Via de Guzman: Ay pwede!
jorgecosgayon: Huwag mo naman i-play out ang mga fantasies mo.
The Sydman: Hush! Wait for your turn!
Via de Guzman: But there’s a line I don’t cross! Ewwwww…
The Sydman: Okay. So Jorge… same question?

End of flashback!

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I NEVER want to see Jorge's reply!
The Sydman: Yes... SOME are rejoicing on that fact.

So before I quit this “flashback special-kind of read”, here is my Singapore-based friend Paulo “Phlebas” Galang and resident kind-of-whore Jason “Pototoy” Cauman offering vital information about the important things in life.

The Sydman: Ano meron dito?
Paulo Galang: Meron dito pototoy! Dota na oh!
jasoncauman: The Sydman = maliit ang pototoy! Wala lang! Hehehe!
The Sydman: Shhhh! Pototoy punta ka tambayan!
Paulo Galang: Why go to tambayan when you can play online??
The Sydman: Ahhh... dahil nasa Pilipinas kami at pwede ditong dumura ng hindi nakakasuhan?
Paulo Galang: Why make dura when you can swallow?

END.


Brain is one of my complicated lawyer friends. Initially, he made an image of convincing people that he is equals to Christian values. After the hellhole he undertook which is popularly known as Bar Exams, he transformed into this… a gyrating “stud muffin” that has the ability to make girls come to his knees and do things his male friends would puke on when they see it firsthand.

Blame Barack Obama and that Tae-bo guy for this overabundance of confidence.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: BTW, confi pala ang pinagusapan natin kanina. Not for blogging.
The Sydman: Check. Wala namang cause for blogging eh.

It was something about genital warts…

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Knowing you, nothing is safe.
The Sydman: "The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: knowing you, nothing is safe. <--- This is the only wrong thing I'm doing right now.

I’ll probably make it a point to label my friends according by their morals.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Nice.
The Sydman: See?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Isipan natin si Geist.
The Sydman: Abugwapo na e. Si Elgin… “cutetorney”. Si Alan… “forcexecutor”. Si Hyubs… “emogado”. Alam kong kay Elgin na yun pero mas bagay sa kanya ang “cutetorney” eh.


For a one time reader… one would probably rant… what… the… fuck…

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Isip ka using the root word “COUNSEL”.
The Sydman: Cuntselor?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Close enough. Dirtier next time.
The Sydman: hmmm… dirty... solicitorero? Just-tease?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Or root word notary public.
The Sydman: Not-ari?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: NOTA-ryo!

This is evidence that Brain was the one that thought of that name. Days later kasi, Geist addressed that the name kinda seems… “gayish”.

The Sydman: Teka, downgrade ba yun sa mga lawyers?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Actually upgrade yun.
The Sydman: Baket?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: May license pa yun aside from being a lawyer. Kumbaga additional skill.
The Sydman: Ows? So that means YUN yung financial side.

So those guys… that sets up their office in East Avenue… with merely a table… a typewriter and a stamp pad… with a couple of men raising their shirts to show off their stomach during lunch time... is better than those other lawyers working in air-conditioned offices?

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Not really. Kumbaga additional work equals additional cash.
The Sydman: Ahhh... pero pirmahan lang yun at tinginan kung masisira ka sa pipirmahan mo right?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Yep.
The Sydman: So that means that's not really work since kasama na yun sa duties mo bilang abogado?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Work pa rin yun.

The following conversation could trigger a burning sensation to attend law school. Lawyers… look away.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Pero you can do the work while under a mango tree… or underpass if you prefer.
The Sydman: Scribbling isn't work. “Lawyer-ing” is yes, work, pero “scribbling” IS NOT work.
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: It is for lawyers.
The Sydman: So… pag may mga nagpapa-autograph to... let’s say... Empoy... that means he's working? NO!

Empoy is an ABS-CBN artist. He’s like Bentong… but hotter.

Admire my sarcasm.

"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: The perks of lawyer-ing… Signing your name in a document is already work. Listening to someone talk to the phone is billable. Even time used for texting is billable.
The Sydman: So pag nag-blot yung ballpen na ginagamit mo? DOES that mean you're NOT doing a good job?
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Basically you’re paying the lawyers time to make scribbles on a piece of tissue paper.

Hurray for two-ply tissue papers that when rubbed to your ass would ignite friction and later… rash.

The Sydman: So kunwari... your client posed for a naughty mag without her knowledge... is wiping your genitals with that piece of tissue paper after looking at the mag WORKING???
"The Gigolawyer" Evilbrain: Yes. I am going to hell.

For one thing, naming yourself a Gigolawyer would probably make the decision of going to that hot spot painstakingly easy.

Nonetheless, the next read would make his life an online nightmare.

END.
<-- HOTNESS I TELL YOU!

At the latest display of technological advancement, one thing seriously reeks of crappiness.

Foreigners.

Damn right, nothing racist about this phrase. It’s just there are a lot of YM buzzes, Friendster Who Viewed Me, and Multiply page hunts coming from people that you shouldn’t care about.

Here’s one example. I was talking to Mark about one of my T-shirts…

mark villasin: May nakita ako. Masmalaking Titik "O" niya kesa sayo.

That is sooooo untrue.

The Sydman: Ulol. Sino yun?
mark villasin: Nasalubong ko sa SM. Wag mo ng isusuot yan doon at baka makumpara ka!
The Sydman: European ba yan?
mark villasin: Lokal.
The Sydman: May Israeli blood?
mark villasin: Wala pero mukhang Pangasinensen. Dakel talaga Titik “O” niya.
The Sydman: Sino yun???
mark villasin: Hindi ko nga kilala! Akala ko nga ikaw lang meron nun!

Sa lahat ng Branded, My T-Shirt Project, at Spoofs outlets… andaming ganon!

Free plugging.

GUMAWA NA KAYO NG ABANGAN ANG SUSUNOD NA KABANATA SHIRT!

The Sydman: Malamang may mga bumibili din nun… pero peke lang silang lahat. Sa work may nagsusuot din… propsman. Pero unlike me, di niya kayang dalhin.
mark villasin: So siya suot niya. Ikaw… dala mo lang?

Idiot…

Then this happened.

BUZZ!!!

The Sydman: Sino ka?
perak area: BOOOOOM!
The Sydman: Seryoso. Hindi kita kilala.
perak area: Speak in English OK?
The Sydman: Who you?
perak area: You what?
The Sydman: TAENA!
perak area: You’re a female right?
The Sydman: Tangina sino nga toh????
perak area: speak English please. OK?
The Sydman: Titi mo may kuko!
perak area: Dancing Furry Panda!
The Sydman: Puta ayoko na!
perak area: I don’t understand what you said!

Bastard.

Anyway, why am I so giddy on foreigners? I am in dire search for a blogsite that would suit my needs. Multiply is banned from my office and the mere fact that it’s ran by Kapamilya people is pissing me off. However, I can’t seem to get my contacts to get into my new account. Facebook is more of Friendster Deux when I tried it. I was about to close it when I suddenly visited one of my friend’s account.

The Sydman: Nandyan ka pa?
erisedbrain: Oo.
The Sydman: Gumawa ako ng Facebook kasi naghahanap ako ng magandang blogsite. Tapos i saw this!

The Sydman: Marco Dulay and Pektuz Theoneandonly are now friends.Options
More About MarcoLess About MarcoMore Friend StoriesFewer Friend StoriesOptionsMarco Dulay and Alli Tobba are now friends.Options
More About MarcoLess About MarcoMore Friend StoriesFewer Friend StoriesOptionsMarco Dulay and Ida Fransson are now friends.Options
More About MarcoLess About MarcoMore Friend StoriesFewer Friend StoriesOptionsMarco Dulay and Stephen Jonathan Arkless are now friends.Options
More About MarcoLess About MarcoMore Friend StoriesFewer Friend StoriesOptionsMarco Dulay and Jacob Borja are now friends.Options
More About MarcoLess About MarcoMore Friend StoriesFewer Friend StoriesOptionsMarco Dulay and Dill Clarence are now friends.Options
More About MarcoLess About MarcoMore Friend StoriesFewer Friend Stor

erisedbrain: Bunch of words… text block… Not interested.

Copy-pasting Facebook threads DOES NOT WORK!

erisedbrain: Link.
The Sydman: Hmmm teka...
erisedbrain: Wait…
erisedbrain: No.

For people that don’t know me… I won’t suggest things if they can’t have the chance to spiral out of the ordinary.

Marco Dulay and Pektuz Theoneandonly are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Alli Tobba are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Ida Fransson are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Andreas Bougiouklis are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Syamsul Nazmi are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Stephen Jonathan Arkless are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Jacob Borja are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Dill Clarence are now friends.

The Sydman: Who knew Dulay had a lot of foreigner friends?
erisedbrain: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dulay, if you must know, looks like the head of Will Devaughn.

The OTHER head.

The Sydman: Tapos look at Dulay's Facebook... nagsu-surf siya ng topless. Imagine his super will devaughn figure... topless... sheer hotness!

MUST SEE THIS

tomi tavanlar: Puta! Julay!
erisedbrain: Keep it to yourself!
tomi tavanlar: Tangina mo wag mung sirain gabi ko!
The Sydman: Who KNEW Dulay had foreigner friends?
tomi tavanlar: Oo nga… tol… iba na si Dulay! Ayaw ng Friendster! Facebook para may class!
erisedbrain: No. I refuse to look into gay kiddie porn!

Marco Dulay and Frank Yalumba are now friends.
Marco Dulay and Alex Shipov are now friends.

The Sydman: The list seems to be updating by itself!
erisedbrain: Damn you.
The Sydman: This is sooooo coool!!!
erisedbrain: DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Per Egil Haram are now friends.
Russ Moore are now friends.
George Maropakis are now friends.

The Sydman: It continues! Dulay is an online superstar!
erisedbrain: Dude… fuck you.
The Sydman: Teka, ano nga ba ang work ni Dulay???? Ano ba talaga trabaho ni Dulay???
tomi tavanlar: Tikol boy. Kung wala ka taga-tikol, pupunta siya sa bahay mo… tapos siya ang gagawa! Kasi ang marketing style niya "I’m Dulay! Iba ang grip ko!!! WANNA TRY ME!!!"
The Sydman: Pero hindi kaya si Dulay ay nagpapa-webcam??? Tangna pare! Si Dulay ba ay si Juliana Palermo sa www.xxx.com??? Yyung movie na kasama sina Angelu de Leon at Gary Estrada???
tomi tavanlar: Pero may extra bayad kung pina-costume mo siya.
The Sydman: Tulad ng isang cheetah?

Which is superbly icky.

The Sydman: O mais?

Which is seriously ickier.

Okay, so figured out that Dulay has this Mob Wars and Online Poker application inserted in his Facebook account which enables him to coast on names known basically through kiddie porn sites.

So for those Slavic, Baltic, English, Scandinavian, Irish, Icelandic, Gaelic, Celtic, Nordic, Swiss-ic friends of Dulay, my apologies.

But Mark also told me that Dulay loves to dance on those Tagalized jumpy tunes.

So as far as I am concerned, you are all Dulay’s old foreign male benefactors.

END

When ABC had the PBA...

And when Wow Maling Mali was still airing...

This happened.

Enjoy.





Ang Nakaraan: Gelo is looking for money. He wants it so bad that he is resorting to prostitution.

Actually, he’s thinking of pimping Edson.

Good… luck.

Meanwhile…

angelo santamaria: Wala ba tayong get together this Xmas?
mark villasin: Ikaw ang gagastos?
angelo santamaria: LANGYA! Ambagan na lang!
mark villasin: Tumatanggap ka ba ng lumang damit?
The Sydman: E canned goods?
dittymasters: Ragnarok in the sense na “end of the world” ng Norse mythology.

Silence.

What?

Such brilliance is prohibited from this conversation…

angelo santamaria: Sino si VIA?

Via, as mentioned is my ex’s cousin. Her boyfriend is the guy that starred as a one-eyed giant in some episode of Hiraya Manawari. People should remember him as the gay that gave a starving granny half a Fita… which prompts the granny (that turned into a fairy) to grant him half a sportscar (yung Red!).

Via : Anong sino???
angelo : Sino si Mama Via?
Via : Si Via Chikababe! Ang HOT nun!
dittymasters: Veloso.
angelo : Ahh… oks kilala ko na! Kaso baka hindi niya ako kilala! Hi po!


Via Veloso was a 90’s sexy actress.

Geist: Si Via ay isang dating lalakeng nagbakasyon sa Thailand at nagpa-transplant.
angelo : Di ba balak din ni Mark yun?


Ginawa na rin ni Phlebas yun. If you don’t Phlebs, he is a cross between The Undertaker and N’Sync’s Lance Bass.

dittymasters: Si Mark balak magpa-sex transplant para maka-lesbo action siya sa isang babae!
angelo : Ang mga plano talaga ni Mark malufet!
Via : Nagkakamali kayo! Hindi ako yun! Yung isa diyan! Syd ano yun uli? Semi… something?


Fuck. Like what I have been copy-pasting for the past few episodes, Via, as mentioned is my ex’s cousin. Her boyfriend is the guy that starred as a one-eyed giant in some episode of Hiraya Manawari. People should remember him as the gay that gave a starving granny half a Fita… which prompts the granny (that turned into a fairy) to grant him half a sportscar (yung Red!).

Via : Ang kyut ng tawagan nyo noon! Naa-alala mo ba ang nakaraan? Noong…
dittymasters: Via so oldskool ka naman.


That was four years ago.

Via : Baket “new” na ba ngayon? Naalala ko lang kasi yung semi-boy or girl or something! Wa epek na. Syd, sino na ba ngayon?
The Sydman: First of all, its semi-BOY. Second of all, nakita na nina Mark at Janis…


Jorge if you’re reading this you are a roody poo if you don’t believe Mark and Janis!

Geist: Nakapag-move on na si Syd.
Via : Dalhin mo sa I-Cue para may kasama naman akong chicks!


I-Cue is an internet shop where Via, Mike, and William destroy the lives of unsuspecting adolescents.

Geist: Actually lalabas siya sa cover ng bagong album entitled "Syd moving on" na ang carrier single nito ay "You made me stronger by breaking my heart" ni Regine Velasquez!
Via : Cute ba siya?
The Sydman: MAGTRABAHO NA TAYO!
Geist: Actually magpapa-survey kame kung sino ang mas maganda: yung ex niya or yung ngayon?
Via : Hmmm… pwede akong bumoto?
The Sydman: Bias ka!


Dapat lang diba? The!?!

Via : Patingin sige na!
angelo : Game! Survey with pics!
Via : Sige na Kuya Syd!
The Sydman: Sabay biglang may Kuya!
dittymasters: Uy survey! Game ako diyan! Pics please!
Via : Tapos maglalabas ako dito ng mga pics nung nakaraan tapos pagtatabihin natin tapos may listahan din sa tabi ng pros at cons!
angelo : Ok na ok yan ah! Yung parang scale of 1 to 5… atsaka may N/A sa dulo!
dittymasters: At ranking system!
angelo : Game!


Bastards…

Via : Teka lang. Bibisita ako sa Friendster ko! Ano name niya?
Geist: (name withheld upon fear of a yuppie mom) with a "K"!
The Sydman: Labas ako dito! Tomi, Gelo, Mark! Kayo mag-manage nito!
Via : Seriously? Ang hilig mo sa ngumingiyaw!
mark : Walang kadala-dala si Syd...
The Sydman: HOY!
Via : IT’S TRUE!!!
The Sydman: DI KAYA!
Via : In a relationship? So it is true…
dittymasters: Ayun eh! May pics ba Via?
Via : Teka… wala sa featured friends tapos wala pa yatang testi.


Writer’s note: Hi labs… ilalagay ko na sa featured friends section ang mukha mo. Mag-iisip pa ako ng testi… (smiley face)

Geist: Tol in fairness, Di ka bumaba sa standards mo ngayon kasi pataas ng pataas ka!
mark : Parang sinabi mo mababa level ni (name withheld upon fear of a yuppie mom)...
angelo santamaria: Ayos sa hirit Geist ah.
Geist: Bat ka affected Mark?
mark : Angels ko pareho yun ha?


Janis, Chai, and Catz (sige na nga, name reveal na kasi ang hirap mag-copy paste) are part of Mark’s Angels. For some reason, the three think of Mark as “Bosley”.

Fun fact: Lahat ng mga Angels ni Mark ay nagkaroon ng mga BF’s na adik sa PC Games. Two of them actually went on and married PC shop owners!






Admire the chicks that love geekiness!

Anyway…

Via : Oy ano yan ha! Sumbong ko kayo sa pinsan ko! Pinsan ko yun e!
Geist: May sinabi ba ako na mababa?
mark : Kasi sabi mo pataas ng pataas!
Geist: San dun ang mababa?
The Sydman: LABAS AKO DIYAN!
Via : Katz nga ba pangalan?
Geist: Clue. Starts with a letter “C” din.
The Sydman: At hindi Choleng ang name niya!
dittymasters: Parang Showbiz Lingo to ah!
Via : Ok Catlolo… ay hindi nga pala.


Sa apat nilang magba-barkada/pinsan si Via na yung pangatlo sa pinaka-maganda.

dittymasters: Center of attention ka na naman Syd!
Via : Catheri… mali! Tapos na yun!

Correction: siya na ang pinaka-panget.

Via : Siret na!

Then they all went to my newest much-more superb website http://www.sydrified.blogspot.com/

Content Warning The blog that you are about to view may contain content only suitable for adults.

mark : Yak! Ano to? Puro batang naka-Speedo!!! SYD!!!!
Via : Hala...
mark : sabi na e..
dittymasters: Oh c'mon!

Shitty bastards…

END


Gelo suddenly came buzzing that he has an important announcement.


angelo santamaria: Sino pwedeng magpa-utang ng 100 thousand pesos dyan? Sino ang pwedeng magpa-utang? Wag lang 5-6. Ikaw Dits, pautang 100K!


We all are yuppies... without responsibility... without mouths to feed... basically throwing our earnings so we can get hot things...


dittymasters: Zenny ba yan?

Zenny = online gaming term.

angelo santamaria: Para makapag-open pa ng isang tindahan sa province…
mark villasin: hmm.. Tumatanggap ka ba ng manok?
angelo santamaria: Hmm 100K worth ng manok? Naku hirap naman. Ico-convert ko pa yan.


May restaurant sila sa probinsya. E may nag-open na lote. Plano nilang kunin. For expansion daw.

Here’s a thought: one thing that’s lacking in these out-of-town journeys are eateries na may katabing MOTEL!

Bwehehehehe…

Uhurm.

mark villasin: Sa 25k may pisbulan ka na…
angelo santamaria: Need ko na ang pera by this month! Need ko 100K pa! Sino pwede pautang? May FREE Handjob pag nag bayad!

No.

angelo santamaria: Langya naman kasi sina erpat… akala mo napupulot lang ang pera…
mark villasin: si (name withheld upon request for fear of libel) atsaka (name withheld upon request for fear of libel) niya..
angelo santamaria: Oo nga pala pwede! Kausapin ko muna erpat ko at luluwas daw siya bukas! Akala yata may baul ako ng kayamanan…
mark villasin: Try mo rin sina William atsaka si Mike!

William is a rich Chinese guy that will always curse you because he is your friend. Mike is Via’s BF. Via, as mentioned is my ex’s cousin. Her boyfriend is the guy that starred as a one-eyed giant in some episode of Hiraya Manawari. People should remember him as the gay that gave a starving granny half a Fita… which prompts the granny (that turned into a fairy) to grant him half a sportscar (yung Red!).

The Sydman: Si William merong chicks pero walang manok yun.
tomi tavanlar: Si (name withheld upon request for fear of libel) walang 100k. I’m sure of that.
Via de Guzman: Ay wag si Mike kasi balak niyang manghiram sayo ng 500k.
mark villasin: Si Hyubs!!! Mayaman lolo nun di ba? Superhero pa!!

Walang tatalo kay Hyubs. Period.

The Sydman: Gelo tambay ka sa Circle!

The Quezon City Memorial Circle is located at the heart of the municipality. It is near its City Hall and it has four main roads encircling it. It is also the place where almost all the government offices reside.

It is also a Fiesta place for all the fags in the metro.

If you see a guy standing in a post near a government office… wearing black sando...


angelo santamaria: Langya! Warak pwet ko niyan!
The Sydman: Seryoso! Hanap ka ng mayamang badaf!
angelo santamaria: Sige ipa-pa-in ko si Hyubs? Sana may pumatol…

Unless that gay has lowered expectations.

tomi tavanlar: Tol si Brain maraming pera.
erisedbrain: Oi!

Brain is not gay by the way.

The Sydman: Papatulan siya ni Brain?
angelo santamaria: BRAIN! Pautang 100K para mabawasan pera mo!

erisedbrain has left the conference.

angelo santamaria: Langya, iniwan nako ni brain. Braiiinn 100K peram!!!!!
mark villasin: Wala na nga brain di ba? Mag-abroad ka muna. Domestic helper ka sa Macau. Kuha yan ng one week! Sabayan mo lang ng benta ng laman!
angelo santamaria: Asikasuhin ko na papers ko…
dittymasters: Gawin mo ginagawa ni Syd!

Kompetisyon yan.

angelo santamaria: Saan ba nagbebenta ng laman si Syd?

Loko lang. Hindi ko ginagawa yun.

(Nakalimutan ko baka mabasa din ‘to ng GF ko.)

mark villasin: O kaya tambay ka sa sine ng Last Full Show…
The Sydman: …ng Ever Recto.

Eww.

angelo santamaria: Puro mahihirap ang mga bading dun eh!

There are two sets of gay benefactors: there are the ones that own small businesses such as beauticians, dress makers, and owners of computer shops (*cough* William *cough*)

And then there are the gay benefactors that find their worth through directing, producing, managing, and even acting.

Choose the latter.

The Sydman: Wag kang tumambay sa mg Tagalog movies. Kahit Star Cinema pa yan mahirap lang ang mga yan!
angelo santamaria: “Sir BJ 50 pesos lang”! Baka ako pa singilin nun e!
mark villasin: “Sir saya? Gusto niyo ng saya?”
dittymasters: So you need about 2000 BJs?

Do the math people. Do. The. Math.

angelo santamaria: 2000? Grabe naman yun! Tulungan niyo ako! Sumabay kayo para kumonti!

That’s funny.

No.

mark villasin: Edson, Dulay, stalker ni Pototoy… dun ka magstart.
dittymasters: Kelangan mag-praktis ka muna…
mark villasin: …para discreet.
Via de Guzman: Ambabastos! Kaya niyo ba ako in-invite dito para marinig ang mga kalaswaan niyo!?! Hindi na kayo nahiya sa babae…

She’s right.

Anyway…

angelo santamaria: Edi sina Edson na lang gawin kong Manwhore! Ako na lang manager at least kikita rin sila.
mark villasin: 10 percent lang yun.
The Sydman: 10 lang?
angelo santamaria: Ibang managerial strategy ko kaya medyo malaki cut ko. And masipag naman sila eh…

Gelo was the other person that helped me strategized in making JORGE.

Not the person… just the product.

tomi tavanlar: Pucha kabadingan na naman ngayon! Syd! Akala ko ba lalake ka na ulit?
Via de Guzman: Ay may sugestion ako! Alam ko malaki nakuha niya! May raket dati si Bio. Something that involves a helmet

Helmet?

Somebody said helmet?

angelo santamaria: Ayun Para sa GF ni Syd! Need helmet? Selling HELMET syd 100K!

Mga hayup kayo…

TO BE CONTINUED.








(THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TOOK PLACE LAST NOV 12 2008)

After three months, the conference conversation returns!

erisedbrain has joined the conference.
angelo santamaria has joined the conference.
mark villasin has joined the conference.
dittymasters has joined the conference.
tomi tavanlar has joined the conference.

mark villasin: No…
tomi tavanlar: WTF!?!
dittymasters: Ano ‘to?
erisedbrain: ....

And everybody is fuckin’ giddy!

dittymasters: Wait lang… nagluluto ako sa baba eh!
mark villasin: BOOO!!!
tomi tavanlar: Magtrabaho kayo! Chat ng chat!
mark villasin: Ikaw din e… opinion ko lang…
erisedbrain: Boss lurking behind my desk! Silent mode… ON!

Brain just landed a job as a law firm guy (for lack of better term). His bosses are homos… which makes his firm a cross between Will and Grace and Queer Eye.

It could also be a cross between all the indie movies in the Philippines made by gay directors…

The Sydman: Sabihin mo sa boss mo, “Go fuck other men”!
mark villasin: “Would you like to spank me boss? I’m a very bad boy...”
erisedbrain: Tado…

Via de Guzman has joined the conference.

The Sydman: Tara! Usap na tayo tungkol sa bagong charismatic group na sasalihan natin.

Via, as mentioned is my ex’s cousin. Her boyfriend is the guy that starred as a one-eyed giant in some episode of Hiraya Manawari. People should remember him as the gay that gave a starving granny half a Fita… which prompts the granny (that turned into a fairy) to grant him half a sportscar (yung Red!).

Via de Guzman: Sino kayang manapak ng babae sa inyo?
mark villasin: Syd!!!!
erisedbrain: Sydrick is a mutant hermaphrodite! Because he has two vaginas!

Just because I work in a channel DOES NOT MEAN I am gay!

Girlish perhaps…

Via de Guzman: Labas si Syd dito!
tomi tavanlar: Bakit mo natanong?
Via de Guzman: Hanap ko ay isang LALAKING marunong manapak ng babae!
tomi tavanlar: Panget ba yung babae?
Via de Guzman: Panget ang kalooban niya.
The Sydman: Hehe... walang boobs!
Via de Guzman: Kausap ko YM e!
mark villasin: paholdap mo!!!!
Via de Guzman: Sakto pagreply ko, nag-invite si Syd dito kaya chini-chismis ko siya ngayon!
The Sydman: Sabihin mo kay gelo yung pangalan! Tapos aanakan niya!
mark villasin: Go! go! go!

FLASHBACK!

edessa ortiz: hi Via!
edessa ortiz: we'll be depositing the reservation fee later
edessa ortiz: and what bank do i deposit the fee?
edessa ortiz: tagal magreply ng lintik na Via e

BACK TO NORMAL!

The Sydman: hahahahahaha!!!
tomi tavanlar: Mukhang malalim ang pinag-ugatan niyan ha…
Via de Guzman: At ang galing ko, dahil pagkakakitaan, hindi ako umimik! Natuklasan ko ambait ko pala

Well no…

FLASHBACK! (unedited)

edessa ortiz: hi Via!
edessa ortiz: we'll be depositing the reservation fee later
edessa ortiz: and what bank do i deposit the fee?
edessa ortiz: tagal magreply ng lintik na Via e
Via de Guzman: i thought u took the acct # na
Via de Guzman: Randombank acct #3XX-8QX9-02XXX-0
Via de Guzman: (name withhold to protect), Congressional branch if they ask
Via de Guzman: sorry for the delay
edessa ortiz: i'm sorryyyyyyyyyyyyy! haha. my friend typed it sory

I should do more of this flashback thing…

BACK TO NORMAL!

tomi tavanlar: Lintik ka pala?
The Sydman: (name withhold to protect)?
tomi tavanlar: Sino si (name withhold to protect)? Hmmmm…
mark villasin: Mom nya. Edessa Ortiz ang kalaban mga katoto…
tomi tavanlar: Paliligpit na ba natin yan?
The Sydman: Pwede ba naming i-hack account number na yun?
mark villasin: sa nanay nga nya yun!!!!
tomi tavanlar: Pakita mo nga Friendster niyan! nak ng...
angelo santamaria: Alangya Tomi! Mga hirit mo talaga!
The Sydman: Pero maganda ba? Taena! Sabihin nga natin kay gelo na anakan yung babae! Wasakin ang bahay wiwi!
mark villasin: Pagkatapos ipa-date natin kay Dulay!!!

Dulay, is our brusko barkada. He looks like the head of Will Devaughn… the OTHER head of Will Devaughn…

The Sydman: Demonyo ka Mark! Pumatay ba yan ng tao! Wag ganun!
mark villasin: Pakilala kay Hubs?






Hyubs is like a raccoon... that's emo.




The Sydman: demonyo pa rin ang hirit mo mark! tumitira ba yan ng kambeng?????
mark villasin: Basta ang kasalanan dapat walang patawad!!!! Sa impiyerno na siya mag-sisi!!!
The Sydman: Tae-han mo kotse mark. Maganda na yun.
Via de Guzman: Natawa ako ng onti kasi 'typing a msg' tapos mawawala… mag-iisip siya ng magandang excuse for her baaad behavior. Sana pinatulan ko no? Lintik pala ha!
The Sydman: Via kung papatulan mo yun, edi... teka, maganda ba???

Catfight?

Via de Guzman: Ewan ko!! Add mo sa YM edessa05! May profile pic siya o kaya search mo sa Multiply edessa05 din username!
tomi tavanlar: Mukhang matanda na yan…
The Sydman: Mark! Para sayo yan!

Mark has a thing for extremely cougar-looking cougars…

mark villasin: Ikaw via? Mahirap na pag nakita namin. Tama na yung husga mo..
The Sydman: Boss ba yan?
Via de Guzman: Anong boss? Basta customer sya!
The Sydman: Mark pwede ka diyan!
mark villasin: Lakas ng loob nyan! Tunay ba pera nyan? Kung makaasta... parang nabili ka nya a!
Via de Guzman: Sabihin ko, “You can curse me all you want, basta money down”!
The Sydman: Yan din ba ang sinasabi ni Mike pag tumatambay siya sa circle?
mark villasin: Wish mo lang masabihan ka rin niyan sa circle no, Syd?
The Sydman: Tangna, tatlong beses na akong umiikot pero wala pa rin! Malay ko bang kailangan pala na naka-black ka!
Via de Guzman: Anong circle?
The Sydman: qc circle... preferably 10 onwards. Hehe naging busy lahat.

If you think this is happy, wait ‘til you get to the second part!

TO BE CONTINUED


The subject:
FURKING (not real name): The Chinese Version of Dean Cain (that was once violated by a panda)

WE CALL HIM IN REAL LIFE EDSON!!!!


The situation: The day after Wednesday, which is DOTA night. Anyway, the population has been scarce as of late, one of the reasons hoisted was when our friend Phlebas went to Singapore to… ehem… pursue financial dividends (and perhaps a quick stop to Thailand to get his sex changed). Anyway, I was told he’ll be joining us but he had to cancel the last minute. The time I YM-ed him, well it was 11:00pm and I was still at work. The reason why he didn’t come? He was with a girl… that was actually his cousin’s ex (any girl wanting to be with him is rare… or so it seems)

Read on.

The Sydman: So ano, may napala ka ba?
Edson Ortega: (sarcastic) Wala. Kiss lang sa cheek… (pissed even more) Tae.
(change topic) Musta espadahan niyo?
The Sydman: ‘Tagal namin naghintay pero walang kalaban. Akala ko dadaan ka kagabi?
Edson Ortega: Hehe. Malas niyo.
The Sydman: Gago. Teka… so… ikaw ang nagyaya?
Edson Ortega: Hindi, ako ang niyaya.
The Sydman: Wala kayong ibang kasama?
Edson Ortega: Wala. Kami lang.
The Sydman: So ano yun… diniskartehan mo?
Edson Ortega: OO!
The Sydman: Astig…
Edson Ortega: Kaso ‘di ko masyado type.

Sydman was about to write words asking Furking his reasons regarding his hesitations when…

Edson Ortega: (perverted) Gusto ko lang siyang tikmaaaaaan!!!!

Sydman can imagine Furking’s face sheepishly laughing like he just raped himself with toothpaste. Stopping of the echoing of the “tikman” word repeatedly inside his head seems something with the highest impossibility! Pansin niyo pala na Sydman is referring to himself as another person?

The Sydman: (shaking head) Poooootangina talaga tong hayup na to...
Edson Ortega: (drooling) Pero mayaman siya… Ahente ng kotse. Laki ng kita niya. Bawat month 50k minimum!!
Evil Sydman: (excitedly typing) MAGANDA YAN GAGO!!!! TIRAHIN MO NA!!


Remembering my inborn sanity, The Sydman returns to normal. (But in fairness, damn I heard money!)

The Sydman: (back to normal) Ehem. Err… Tol, ano ang problema at bakit ayaw mong ligawan? Paalam ka lang sa pinsan mo at solb na problema mo. Ayaw mo non, may sugar mommy ka?
Edson Ortega: Gagu, pinsan ko nasa China na. Mukhang hindi na babalik.
The Sydman: Yun naman pala e. So anong problema?
Edson Ortega: Kaya ayaw ko rin kasi na-conscious din ako. Kaibigan kasi e.
Evil Sydman: walang kaibi-kaibigan sa t*tEng galet!!! lalo na kung ililibre ka pa pagkatapos?!? ‘DI BA AYOS YON… GAGOOO!!!!
Edson Ortega: Pagdating ng panahon ika nga ni Aiza…
Evil Sydman: Pare, TUYO YAN!! habang tagtuyot, basain ang bukid!!!
Edson Ortega: Ewan ko sayo! Sasabay na lang ako sa alon ng akin buhay kung san man marating e aking damdamin!
Evil Sydman: (breathing heavily whilst typing) Alon... ULOL!!! aalon yan pag tinira mo!!!! sa Akin ka pa nagpa-andar... bwiset!!!!!

Writer’s note: I just love it when I turn like Mon Tulfo…

Edson Ortega: HAHA! Kahit bastos ako pare may konting kabaitan din ako!
The Sydman: Ewan ko lang ha... pero feeling ko, pwede yan.
Edson Ortega: Tingnan naten…
The Sydman: Wag tingnan! GAWEEEN! Basta batse nako! tama na pagtatrabaho!
Edson Ortega: Nasa office ka pa rin?!?
The Sydman: Oo nga pala, hanapin mo yung ginawa namin ni Jorge. Basta kung ano yung ginawa ko sa kanya, ikaw na yung isusunod! Paalam!!!!
Edson Ortega: Sige!


As I was trying to logout my account… something… or someone… BUZZED.

jorgecosgayon: Syd…
The Sydman: (carelessly putting away work stuffs) What?
jorgecosgayon: You touch my tralala!

Glimpsed at the PC then found the last remark too disturbing. Jorge is somewhat undergoing gender related post-quarter life crisis. (HAHA)

The Sydman: (shocked) What?
jorgecosgayon: (pissed) Pota BAKET si Sib ang nanalo sa MTV VJ HUNT?!?
The Sydman: (relieved) OWS?

This was published light years ago.


(sarcastic) YEAH! THE SIB SHOW GOES…
(gasps) INTERNATIONAL!!!!!!!

Writer’s note: Actually I can care less if Sib wins because Kat Alano and Andi Manzano won too. At least it was not a total loss…

Then I browsed for “interesting” pics.

Anyway…

jorgecosgayon: (disgusted) Ewwwwww… that punk ass loser…
The Sydman: (laughing) Pare don’t tell me… are you… JEALOUS?!?
jorgecosgayon: (disgusted) Tangina. Sib is only a little better than Tim Yap.
The Sydman: You're also jealous of Tim Yap?!?!? Have you gone mad!?!?!
jorgecosgayon: Only because ina-agawan ka nila ng spotlight sa Bading Universe! HAHAHA… BUTTBOY!

Writer’s note: My friends call TV stations as such. Why? I dunno… errr… LA Lopez rulz?

The Sydman: Well at least I don't eat with that mouth!
jorgecosgayon: (thinks long and hard) Point taken.
The Sydman: Dude, you don’t watch MTV so what’s with the fuzz??? Isn't it enough that we see DYLAN and not Sib at Jack??
jorgecosgayon: Better point. But hey I do so watch MTV. Pimp My Ride pare.
The Sydman: Granted pero dude, Dylan is like... you know… puta gusto kong maging tato!!!
jorgecosgayon: Hehe. Be right back. Kain muna.
The Sydman: Of course. Go. Eat. Things. That. Crawl. Or something. Like Tim Yap. Sakto alis na ako. Pero not after this moment of Zen.


Sending 1 file to jorgecosgayon...
RJ_Jimenez_-_Miss_Kita_Pag_Tuesday.mp3 (5549 KB)
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END.

When I was still in ABC, I was tasked to do a plug on this Robin Padilla-starrer.

In this plug, you will find out ways to not get your dream date to go to the prom with you.

90's action movie writers are awesome!

<--- This is dedicated to the person that made this image.

It happened when I had a late night “shindig” inside the office. I am using the word “shindig” loosely here. There’s also a hint of sarcasm…

The Sydman: Pare may raket ako. Kelan annual exam niyo?

hyubs: Watda?

Via: Eh?

angelo: Whoa! Anung raket?!?

Yes three people responded. One is a woman. The other is a jackass. And the other was an emo. Hyubs was the emo. Angelo could be the jackass… or the woman. Hmmm… Via is the woman.

The Sydman: Basta kelan annual exam niyo?

Via: Eh?

hyubs: Anong annual exam? Ala ata kami nun eh.

angelo: Whoa! Anung raket?!?

The Sydman: Gelo, may trabaho ka ba?

angelo: Err… wala.

The Sydman: Sus di ka pwede dito!

Angelo, mind you, aside from whoring his brain to a jerkoff PSP game called Monster Hunter, is also a “businessman”. I am also using the word “businessman” loosely here. And he isn’t the businessman you often see near QC Circle…

hyubs: What the fuck are you up to now?

angelo: Hehe, wala sa dugo ko ang magtrabaho!

The Sydman: E di bebentahan ko na lang ang mga employees mo!

angelo: Hanapan na lang kita ng client. Teka ano ba raket mo?


Here’s the thing: it’s pretty much a known fact that writers working for television stations often garner meager pay. Add this to the current economic downfall and the fact that I am courting a woman… everything that you can think of could be money-making.

The Sydman: 25 pesos… stool sample. Tingnan nyo kung may interested sa inyo.

This is one of those moments when I hoped Jorge was online.

hyubs: Tanginang yan....

Via: Hoy anong stool sample yan…

The Sydman: Seryoso ako! Nag-iipon na ako ng garapon...

Via: BABOY KA!

Via quickly signed out while hyubs returned to self-defiling little hyubs.

Eww.

angelo: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The Sydman: Tangna wag mong tawanan!

angelo: Ahemmm… sige seryoso ako.

The Sydman: May mga workers na ako! Bukas na bukas din pwede na kaming mag-supply!

angelo: Teka mag outsource rin ako. Hahanap din ako ng mga workers. Ako pa lang ang regular na pwedeng mag-supply across the country daily ng fresh and unaltered stool.

The Sydman: Wag mo akong kalabanin puta!

angelo: Di bale… magkaiba tayo ng market.

Pinatulan ako. Edi sakyan.

The Sydman: Hmmm… tapos ‘pag naubusan ako… and vice versa… pwede tayong magpalitan!

angelo: Hayup sa business proposal!

The Sydman: Kailangan. Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon...

angelo: Pwede ba pa patent muna natin to?

The Sydman: Pwede siguro... Oo nga no… wala pa tayong city permit.

angelo: Baka kasi magaya ang idea. Mahirap na. Sa dami ng mga workers… sa Makati pa lang, kikita na to!

The Sydman: Kakausapin ko sina Geist tungkol sa mga legalities.

angelo: Pwede rin, at least may aayos na ng papers natin! Since ikaw ang founder nito, payag na ako sa 60-40!

The Sydman: Sige pero pano ba ang franchising nito?

angelo: Hmmm… we need to have professional stool providers so kelangan natin mag provide ng “Right Diet” para sa mga “workers”. Yun yung business plan… dapat clean living lahat!

The Sydman: Dude gusto ko maging worthy ito for international release! Ayoko nung mga kumakain lang ng sirang bagay! Gusto ko, mararamdaman nila na malinis tayo trumabaho… at hygenic pa!

Here’s the thing: Ang daming tao sa mundo na hindi nakakapasok sa kanilang dream job kasi bumabagsak sila sa PHYSICAL EXAM.

This is where we step in.

angelo: Hmm, if that the case, we need to alter some diet so that we won’t risk suspicion sa mga company owners! Like, pag sa US we shouldn’t feed our "workers" ng RICE because wala sa diet ng mga Caucasian yan!

Para sa isang gagong topic, matindi ang marketing strategies na nakikita niyo.

I guess this should be a great tool for all budding entrepreneurs out there…

The Sydman: Hmm... go on.

angelo: Kailangan quality service bro. Kung European ang clients natin, need natin more on PASTA Diet para kapag nag-check sila ng sample, hinde kahina-hinala diba?

The Sydman: Hindi ba pwedeng Lucky Me na lang? Pasta din yun e.

angelo: Hmm… that’s a good alternative bro. Dude ok yan. Very cheap source of pasta meals for our workers!

The Sydman: Mas mura pero hindi crappy.

Nakakaamoy ako ng sponsorship sa aking blogsite! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

angelo: You’re a genius!

The Sydman: No pare... you are.

angelo: Kailangan pala natin bilhin yung may NFA seal!

The Sydman: Pare I think we got a goldmine here! Pare, I'm giving you the right to make our business expand!

angelo: Sige bro! Don’t worry!

The Sydman: Kanina substance lang ang meron ako!

Which is tae…

The Sydman: Pero ngayon I'm seeing a bigger picture! Ako sa marketing tapos ikaw ang kumausap sa mga potential clients!

angelo: Yup dude! I am amazed on how you came up with the idea kaya ginanahan ako! Gusto kong i-expand tong naisip mong business for international release! I would come up with more ideas! Yup pare, that’s my cup of tea!

Which is tae…

angelo: Don’t worry! Specialty ko yan!

Which is tae…

angelo: But the only problem would be how and what should we name our product!

The Sydman: Its easy Pare! Basta we need to work together…

Hold that thought.

The Sydman: Wag lang side by side... siguro in between cubicles pwede.

angelo: With our minds, we can go a lot further. With this kind of business sa inner circle palang natin ang dami ng pwedeng provider!

And then an idea…

The Sydman: We should call the product JORGE!

JORGE = THE STOOL SAMPLE OF THE WORKING MAN!

angelo: Hmmm… why is that?

The Sydman: Jorge could mean Jebs On Really Gorgeous... hmmm… iniisip ko pa ang E eh.

Envelope?

angelo: Hmmm there’s a nice ring to it! Ayus yan! Imagine this: if we want gayish JORGES…

Plural term for JORGE.

angelo: Pwede tayo kumuha kay FROI and MARK! If we want Maton na JORGE, pwede tayong kumuha kay GEIST!

The Sydman: See? We ARE ALREADY EXPANDING JORGES!

angelo: If we want malditahing JORGES there’s always Janis to the rescue! That’s what we call being resourceful!

The Sydman: Classic pare!

angelo: Damned that would be a very unique and collectors item! JORGES!

The Sydman: Pero we need this to be in a jar! Tapos twice the pay and twice the quantity!


One time noong kumuha ako ng Medicard, nagdala ako ng lalagyan ng gravy sa Jollibee.

Napisat sa bag.

Ugh.

angelo: Ooooorrrr we can offer them on a different lalagyan!

The Sydman: Cheez Whiz o lalagyan ng C2?

angelo: For their needs if like pang isahang gamit lang…

Yes, for those pang-isahan lang ang gamit…

angelo: We can put it on a smaller package! I think Cheez Whiz will do pero that’s for a small group!

The Sydman: Panyero... all this talk is making me... "productive".

angelo: Same on this side panyero.

The Sydman: Lets continue this in some other time. Let's work muna. Okay ba yun?

angelo: Yes dude. We should first free our mind…

The Sydman: And our inner strengths too.

angelo: Panyero nice having a business talk with you. Yes, lets make this work.

The Sydman: Tama!

Seryoso, if you want to enlist our services in your job hunting needs, you can contact us through this site. We will gladly let our JORGES out so that you can have the satisfaction of landing your dream job.

We will scoop our JORGES so you could sink your teeth into our JORGES!

That would surely be magical!

JORGE = THE STOOL SAMPLE OF THE WORKING MAN!

END