STOOL FOR SALE

<--- This is dedicated to the person that made this image.

It happened when I had a late night “shindig” inside the office. I am using the word “shindig” loosely here. There’s also a hint of sarcasm…

The Sydman: Pare may raket ako. Kelan annual exam niyo?

hyubs: Watda?

Via: Eh?

angelo: Whoa! Anung raket?!?

Yes three people responded. One is a woman. The other is a jackass. And the other was an emo. Hyubs was the emo. Angelo could be the jackass… or the woman. Hmmm… Via is the woman.

The Sydman: Basta kelan annual exam niyo?

Via: Eh?

hyubs: Anong annual exam? Ala ata kami nun eh.

angelo: Whoa! Anung raket?!?

The Sydman: Gelo, may trabaho ka ba?

angelo: Err… wala.

The Sydman: Sus di ka pwede dito!

Angelo, mind you, aside from whoring his brain to a jerkoff PSP game called Monster Hunter, is also a “businessman”. I am also using the word “businessman” loosely here. And he isn’t the businessman you often see near QC Circle…

hyubs: What the fuck are you up to now?

angelo: Hehe, wala sa dugo ko ang magtrabaho!

The Sydman: E di bebentahan ko na lang ang mga employees mo!

angelo: Hanapan na lang kita ng client. Teka ano ba raket mo?


Here’s the thing: it’s pretty much a known fact that writers working for television stations often garner meager pay. Add this to the current economic downfall and the fact that I am courting a woman… everything that you can think of could be money-making.

The Sydman: 25 pesos… stool sample. Tingnan nyo kung may interested sa inyo.

This is one of those moments when I hoped Jorge was online.

hyubs: Tanginang yan....

Via: Hoy anong stool sample yan…

The Sydman: Seryoso ako! Nag-iipon na ako ng garapon...

Via: BABOY KA!

Via quickly signed out while hyubs returned to self-defiling little hyubs.

Eww.

angelo: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The Sydman: Tangna wag mong tawanan!

angelo: Ahemmm… sige seryoso ako.

The Sydman: May mga workers na ako! Bukas na bukas din pwede na kaming mag-supply!

angelo: Teka mag outsource rin ako. Hahanap din ako ng mga workers. Ako pa lang ang regular na pwedeng mag-supply across the country daily ng fresh and unaltered stool.

The Sydman: Wag mo akong kalabanin puta!

angelo: Di bale… magkaiba tayo ng market.

Pinatulan ako. Edi sakyan.

The Sydman: Hmmm… tapos ‘pag naubusan ako… and vice versa… pwede tayong magpalitan!

angelo: Hayup sa business proposal!

The Sydman: Kailangan. Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon...

angelo: Pwede ba pa patent muna natin to?

The Sydman: Pwede siguro... Oo nga no… wala pa tayong city permit.

angelo: Baka kasi magaya ang idea. Mahirap na. Sa dami ng mga workers… sa Makati pa lang, kikita na to!

The Sydman: Kakausapin ko sina Geist tungkol sa mga legalities.

angelo: Pwede rin, at least may aayos na ng papers natin! Since ikaw ang founder nito, payag na ako sa 60-40!

The Sydman: Sige pero pano ba ang franchising nito?

angelo: Hmmm… we need to have professional stool providers so kelangan natin mag provide ng “Right Diet” para sa mga “workers”. Yun yung business plan… dapat clean living lahat!

The Sydman: Dude gusto ko maging worthy ito for international release! Ayoko nung mga kumakain lang ng sirang bagay! Gusto ko, mararamdaman nila na malinis tayo trumabaho… at hygenic pa!

Here’s the thing: Ang daming tao sa mundo na hindi nakakapasok sa kanilang dream job kasi bumabagsak sila sa PHYSICAL EXAM.

This is where we step in.

angelo: Hmm, if that the case, we need to alter some diet so that we won’t risk suspicion sa mga company owners! Like, pag sa US we shouldn’t feed our "workers" ng RICE because wala sa diet ng mga Caucasian yan!

Para sa isang gagong topic, matindi ang marketing strategies na nakikita niyo.

I guess this should be a great tool for all budding entrepreneurs out there…

The Sydman: Hmm... go on.

angelo: Kailangan quality service bro. Kung European ang clients natin, need natin more on PASTA Diet para kapag nag-check sila ng sample, hinde kahina-hinala diba?

The Sydman: Hindi ba pwedeng Lucky Me na lang? Pasta din yun e.

angelo: Hmm… that’s a good alternative bro. Dude ok yan. Very cheap source of pasta meals for our workers!

The Sydman: Mas mura pero hindi crappy.

Nakakaamoy ako ng sponsorship sa aking blogsite! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

angelo: You’re a genius!

The Sydman: No pare... you are.

angelo: Kailangan pala natin bilhin yung may NFA seal!

The Sydman: Pare I think we got a goldmine here! Pare, I'm giving you the right to make our business expand!

angelo: Sige bro! Don’t worry!

The Sydman: Kanina substance lang ang meron ako!

Which is tae…

The Sydman: Pero ngayon I'm seeing a bigger picture! Ako sa marketing tapos ikaw ang kumausap sa mga potential clients!

angelo: Yup dude! I am amazed on how you came up with the idea kaya ginanahan ako! Gusto kong i-expand tong naisip mong business for international release! I would come up with more ideas! Yup pare, that’s my cup of tea!

Which is tae…

angelo: Don’t worry! Specialty ko yan!

Which is tae…

angelo: But the only problem would be how and what should we name our product!

The Sydman: Its easy Pare! Basta we need to work together…

Hold that thought.

The Sydman: Wag lang side by side... siguro in between cubicles pwede.

angelo: With our minds, we can go a lot further. With this kind of business sa inner circle palang natin ang dami ng pwedeng provider!

And then an idea…

The Sydman: We should call the product JORGE!

JORGE = THE STOOL SAMPLE OF THE WORKING MAN!

angelo: Hmmm… why is that?

The Sydman: Jorge could mean Jebs On Really Gorgeous... hmmm… iniisip ko pa ang E eh.

Envelope?

angelo: Hmmm there’s a nice ring to it! Ayus yan! Imagine this: if we want gayish JORGES…

Plural term for JORGE.

angelo: Pwede tayo kumuha kay FROI and MARK! If we want Maton na JORGE, pwede tayong kumuha kay GEIST!

The Sydman: See? We ARE ALREADY EXPANDING JORGES!

angelo: If we want malditahing JORGES there’s always Janis to the rescue! That’s what we call being resourceful!

The Sydman: Classic pare!

angelo: Damned that would be a very unique and collectors item! JORGES!

The Sydman: Pero we need this to be in a jar! Tapos twice the pay and twice the quantity!


One time noong kumuha ako ng Medicard, nagdala ako ng lalagyan ng gravy sa Jollibee.

Napisat sa bag.

Ugh.

angelo: Ooooorrrr we can offer them on a different lalagyan!

The Sydman: Cheez Whiz o lalagyan ng C2?

angelo: For their needs if like pang isahang gamit lang…

Yes, for those pang-isahan lang ang gamit…

angelo: We can put it on a smaller package! I think Cheez Whiz will do pero that’s for a small group!

The Sydman: Panyero... all this talk is making me... "productive".

angelo: Same on this side panyero.

The Sydman: Lets continue this in some other time. Let's work muna. Okay ba yun?

angelo: Yes dude. We should first free our mind…

The Sydman: And our inner strengths too.

angelo: Panyero nice having a business talk with you. Yes, lets make this work.

The Sydman: Tama!

Seryoso, if you want to enlist our services in your job hunting needs, you can contact us through this site. We will gladly let our JORGES out so that you can have the satisfaction of landing your dream job.

We will scoop our JORGES so you could sink your teeth into our JORGES!

That would surely be magical!

JORGE = THE STOOL SAMPLE OF THE WORKING MAN!

END

2 comments:

  1. im in!!! i make great crap(i refuse to say 'jorges',because jorge is my friend..),if u need variety i am here!:D

    ReplyDelete
  2. hmmm... cge magandang idea.

    kailangan namin ng mga "workers" sa china.

    kumakain ka ba ng fetus?

    ReplyDelete