SEPT. 7, 2007

Uncensored. NOW SOMEWHAT Unscripted. And unsolicited. Just when you think nothing will come out when you engage a conversation inside the realm of cyberspace, TADAH! You can see what you typed in this page!

Cheap plug: My YM is stacey_the_evil_chipmunk (if you want your thoughts to be hacked).

The Situation:
I seriously need to rub out some characters…

DISCLAIMER: By the way, this episode has a mean banter amongst two separate topics so I apologize to those who’ll yank my head out of my body once they read this and see me pass by.

With that being said…

Read on.

One wasted day in the office. This was when my boss proclaimed me beadle keeper and I was getting the revised status reports from the other writers.

Girl 2 Quizon: You're welcome, SYDMAN PUWERSA!!

Thing is, my main email address was initially a joke. What would you think if you got a message from The Sydman Puwersa and his email add is

You’d either concede the fact that this is a spam… you’d probably think it encloses a virus… or you’ll read it because it could be a porn link.

Perhaps this could be the reason why I don’t get a pingback from all the resumes I submitted online?

The Sydman: Err… pwedeng Sydman na lang po... para akong rapist e.

Girl 2 Quizon: Hindi! sydman puwersa KA!!! SP!!!!

For some reason my boss calls me SP. While I’m used to people calling me Super Pogi (says my Mom), Sneaky Perv is such a new thing…

The Sydman: So ganyan na pala ha! Pupunta ako sa table mo tapos bubuksan ko ang alcohol mo tapos ‘di ko tatakpan! Even better, uutot ako sa garapon ng gummi bears mo!!!!

Girl 2 Quizon: Hahahaha, di mo naman naririnig utot mo e! BRING_IT_ON!


Referring the Girl’s last statement, that is officespeak for… err… If you saw GMA Films’ Deathrow scene where Pen Medina buttfucked Cogie Domingo… that’s kinda it. And for you knuckleheads who think that I had that? BURN IN HELL.

The Sydman: Bring it on!!! Ubusin mo na gummi bears mo dahil kahit may laman pa yan o wala, BUKAS, MAY AMAG NA YAN!!!!
(devil laugh) hahahahahahahaha!

Girl 2 Quizon: Pikon! As in P-I-K-O-N!!!!!!!!!!

The Sydman: Hindi ako pikon... CHE!

Girl 2 Quizon: Hahahahaha!! Oo nga, ‘di ka nga pikon, di naman halata!

The Sydman: Pwe. Itsura mo…

Girl 2 Quizon: Cute, pretty, nakaka-bighani?

The Sydman: Teka… Qualities ko yan e!

Girl 2 Quizon: Uluks!!!! Wag ka ngang mang-agaw ng qualities!!!! Magisip ka ng pang-sayo no!

The Sydman: Anong nangaagaw ng qualities? Anong pinag-iisip mo??? Anong oras ka pala uuwi?

Girl 2 Quizon: Bakit mo tinatanong?

The Sydman: Para masimulan na ang trahedyang magaganap!

Girl 2 Quizon: Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! Whatever man!!!!!

The Sydman: Alam mo bang kumain ako ng tatlong mais? At dalawang araw na ang nakaraan at hanggang ngayon HANGGANG NGAYON masama pa rin ang tiyan ko? At least mapapagmalaki mo na inutotan ka ng isang ng taong nagka-billboard? Ayos yun ‘di ba! Gusto mo ng autograph?

Girl 2 Quizon: Nyahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (thinks) Eew.

Then something came up. Jorge.

jorgecosgayon: (drooling) Ooooh ooooh! Tapos na ang download ko ng Best of Girls Gone Wild: America Exposed! Happy Happy Joystick time!

The Sydman: (pissed) Ows? Damn! Now I hate myself for still being in the office...

jorgecosgayon: Wait.. You didn't hate yourself before? Like, oh say, that one Saturday two months ago? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Dude! Sayang! Loser yun e! Tsk! You were the cool boylet! Consolation prize? I still can't get over the fact na mga babae mas gugustuhin nila ang boring kesa sa masaya!

Background: Here’s the thing: my ex-girlfriend got hitched last May. The relationship ended three years ago. The issue wouldn’t DIE though…

The Sydman: I won't talk right now… I'm asking my dignity for forgiveness…

jorgecosgayon: I'll take "Sucker punch moments of the world" for a thousand, Alex! Question is: Who said: "Damn you Salazaaaaaar"?

The Sydman: Why bring this up?

jorgecosgayon: Hehe. Wala lang! Naisip ko lang… you were the great white hope pare!


jorgecosgayon: That one of us can snag one of them!


jorgecosgayon: Tsk! Tara inuman tayo! Pwede ka na bang uminom?

When 1) Inaasar niya ako sa isang past relationship and 2) Inaasar niya ako dahil hindi ako pwede ng toma, you have to understand that these are TWO FATAL COMBINATIONS FOR PAIN!


For those people reading this who are in the graphic novel business or true blue believers of their talents… READ… NO… FURTHER!

The Sydman: (screaming like a schoolgirl) NEIL GAIMAN SUCKS!!!! ALEX ROSS IS CRAP!!!! STAN LEE IS AN EMBARASSMENT TO POP CULTURE IN GENERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jorgecosgayon: (laughing) BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Shut up! Stop it Pare!
(sarcastic while laughing) You are hurting me!!!


jorgecosgayon: (singing awkwardly Basil Valdez’ You) “It's your smiiiile, your face your lips that I miss...”

Then a sudden thud built upon a tremendous amount of cybersilence.

jorgecosgayon: (serious) The… Sandman… Series… is…
(silence) Overrated?

The Sydman: (grinning) Natameme ka no?

Another round of cybersilence.

jorgecosgayon: (about to cry) No... you... blasphemer...

The Sydman: (understand the extent of the situation) Dude… I had no choice. You asked for it!

jorgecosgayon: *sob* You have shattered my fragile little mind.

The Sydman: I am sorry.

jorgecosgayon: *sniff* Overrated?

The Sydman: Aalis na ako. Gabi na.

jorgecosgayon: Overrated?!??!?!

From Jorge’s point of view: He sits beside his new computer quietly. He then takes out his Sandman copy and rubs it in his chest… for two minutes while a tear comes out from his eyes and into the keyboard. We can see him mumbling as we see Edson outside of his window, covering the acting moment in detail with his cellphone camera… while scratching his balls.

Frame slowly fades out.

Writer’s Note: The somewhat fabricated ending is needed. Why? Because Jorge doing drama is gold. It’s like… Sammy Lagmay… dressed in a tutu…

…Or cursing the heavens because some drunk dude tore his Gabby Concepcion poster.

Let’s end this now.



Post a Comment