SNAPSHOTS: THOSE 90’s SHOWS


SEPT 2, 2007

Uncensored. NOW SOMEWHAT Unscripted. And unsolicited. Just when you think nothing will come out when you engage a conversation inside the realm of cyberspace, TADAH! You can see what you typed in this page!

Cheap plug: My YM is stacey_the_evil_chipmunk (if you want your thoughts to be hacked).

The Situation:
One Saturday, I went to the office to preview a rushed project. Then I saw Bajie online.

Here’s the thing: I can never let myself out-jologged by anyone.

What am I saying? Read on.

Bajie: Young Master Syd..

The Sydman: Bakit Chibaybin?

Bajie: Hehe, Sabado ngayon a. Nasa tambayan kayo?

The Sydman: Papunta pa lang. Nasa opis pako. Basta pumasok ako para mag-net lang.

Bajie: *printscreen*

The Sydman: Fuck you! Teka... What the… are you with Jorge???

Bajie: What? Nah, we split up… things didn’t go as planned. He wanted more.

The Sydman: Teka, dude that's not what I meant…

Bajie: I don't have the reason… he still didn’t have the time.

Just… tag… along.

The Sydman: Baka kailangan mo pang bigyan siya ng chance. Huthutan mo muna habang may pera. Unless he realizes that you are a mean scumbag, aasa pa rin na magkakabalikan kayo. Although pwede mo siyang sapakin…

Bajie: You’re not gonna bait me into that!

The Sydman: Teka, kelan ka luluwas dito???

Bajie: QT ngayon eh. So may mga bata sa bahay. I have to show them a good time.

The Sydman: Ayaw ba nila ng Ouija? I bet they'll love Ouija!

Bajie: Nah, Juday is my guilty pleasure. I can't have her be shared with anyone else! Never I tell you!!

The Sydman: Kaya pala porma mo ngayon, Wowie. BTW, Dugyot na pala ngayon si Wowie.

Bajie: Dugyot? Nah, same porma pa rin… boy next door, I-don't-care, the-whole-Philippines-is-my-tarangkahan look! (change topic) Anywho, didn’t you ever had the temptation to join the 700 club? I mean, their leader is like in TV longer than German Moreno! And like, are they really only 700? That's like only the l33 thousand religious people get in and owns the others who are not in the 700?!

The Sydman: Kulto ba yon? I dunno pare. Pero i always think na ang 700 ay ang number ng bahay na pinagdadausan nila. Or yung studio? Parang 17 Bernard Club.

Bajie: I heard the sequel to 300 would be that: 700.

The Sydman: But now they're Christians?

Bajie: Do you think Rustom was gay back then? I think he got the hots for Dale Villar then.

The Sydman: No pare! Dale Villar was not part of that show! Perhaps he over-hanged out with Arnel Ignacio.

Bajie: Did Dale Villar ever learned to act?

The Sydman: Did he??? He did??? Haha, it's fun to transpose words. Did he??? He did??? Seriously... no.

Bajie: I was asking. You seem to know a lot about him eh. With that poster in yer room and all. Still that doesn't explain all your notebooks with Dale on the covers and entitled "Musings and Poems".

The Sydman: I had a dream meron akong poster ng dalawang pulis sa Ober da Bakod... they were wearing matching pink shades…

Bajie: BTW, those notebooks where stitched in pink nylons and have like unicorns and half a heart keychain in the end.

The Sydman: I think you're mistaking me for Jorge pare. Hindi niya kilala si Dale pero he could have found him hot.

Bajie: Nah, I'm pretty sure it was you. There was a cut out of Dale posing and you pasted your cutout elementary picture beside him sa likod eh.

The Sydman: That was Red Sternberg pare. I was not a fan of Dale Villar. Si Dale Villar, ang pangalan ng character niya sa Ober ay Flip. Si Red ang name ng character niya sa Ober ay Tom Cruz. Don't switch facts pare.

Bajie: Red Sternberg… he was like being built up as the next Eric Fructoso. But they couldn't find the next Jomari and next Mark Fernandez… I was busy with schooling kasi… kaya yun, Red couldn't stand in his own.

The Sydman: And Eric Fructoso was the next Benedict Aquino. And Benedict Aquino was the next Orestes Ojeda. And Orestes Ojeda was the next Tom Babauta. Why bring this up!?!?!

Bajie: Plus Raven got totally hot for him…

The Sydman: No pare! Raven's love team was Michael Flores! Siya yung leader sa Pintados!

Bajie: Nah, Red got the hots for Raven… secretly. Did Michael Flores ever learned to act?

The Sydman: Did any of the Maneuvers ever learned to act?

Bajie: Maneuvers… did they somehow got into movies?

The Sydman: Yup. But not in UMD or Streetboys fashion. Think Hataw Na. Anyway, Raven was boobless then.

Bajie: So neck then stomach agad?? That's like weird…

The Sydman: No you had it wrong. Neck then lungs then stomach.

Bajie: Lungs are dispensable thing of myth to the trained male genitals.

The Sydman: Well neck then stomach is not male-erecting too.

Bajie: Damn, now I want a reunion.

The Sydman: TGIS reunion pare? With adult situations??

Bajie: Yeah…

The Sydman: Except for Ciara Sotto, all of the girls then had their sexy time moments!

Bajie: Like I want Angelu to bitch and nag about the electric bill! Tapos Onemig Bondoc will always try to explain to people that his not Jimmy Bondoc’s wife. Joaquin Torres the Third would rock though… as an addict trying to get money off his friend by saying, "remember when i totally help you back then”, or “remember when I totally let you do my leftover GF back then?"

The Sydman: WAIT? WHAT? NOOOO! NOT THAT KIND OF ADULT SITUATIONS!

Bajie: Mike Flores would be successful and own a resort in Boracay! Now THAT would be acting…

The Sydman: Peachy, this is Wacks! When I get to our room I want you to “sugar” my “cupcake”!!! NOW THAT is the adult situation I was thinking!
(changes tone) Wait, will Diego Castro be included or will Raven stay as Mike Flores' love team?

Bajie: Diego Castro will be included… but only as someone who would just call in the last moment of the episode… where everyone would look at each other and ask ”Sino tumawag”?

Bajie: Will the lower batch be included?

Bajie: Inaki only. The others were lost in an airplane crash and stranded in a mysterious island.

The Sydman: Even Kim de los Santos???

Bajie: Especially Kim de los Santos! Kim de los Santos would have a secret… and she will not talk about it to the others but she’ll always hint that there's something wrong and when asked, she will always say, "Wala. Okay lang ako”.

The Sydman: Then she'll obtain the chest hairs of Dino Guevarra and paste it on her back and suddenly she becomes a Mulawin. She'll be flightless though.

Bajie: (confused) WHAT? Anyway, once this becomes a big hit, this should be a movie where the higher batch tries to rescue them!

The Sydman: Airplane crash? Isn't that the premise of the first Ober da Bakod movie?

Bajie: Yeah… the movie would be low budget, they'd set up cut out scenes from that movie para makatipid.
(thinks) Damn now I realize Filipino TV has became stagnant for a whole 15 years..

The Sydman: Don't be silly pare, Filipino TV is better now!

Cybersilence.

The Sydman: Bananaman!

Bajie: Ewww.

The Sydman: What?!?!

Bajie: Ewww.

The Sydman: WHAT!?!?

END

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