GEISTESKRANK


The title is German for "of an ill mind".

Just like this writer.

Anyway...

People demanded for me to write this. About 25 percent of my ardent followers (25 percent of 8 is 2) tasked me to put a column which concerns the following character you are about to comprehend now. This goes to show that yellow journalism exists in this site. With opening statements like this…

The Sydman: What’s up?
Evilbrain: Slave work.
The Sydman: Diba bading ang mga masters… este bosses mo?

… how can integrity exist?

Remember the previous blog where Via is trying to set up Geist to one of her friends?

Read on.

The Sydman: So... ayaw magsalita ni Geist.
Evilbrain: Hmmm…
The Sydman: So ikaw na lang ang i-interview-hin ko.
Evilbrain: POTA!

I can’t betray Geist’s trust because that would either give me PAIN or SEVERE PAIN. The only thing I could print here is:

Geist: Fuck! I’m not like (name withheld for fear of libel) na pino-phone pal ang katulong niyo!
The Sydman: *printscreen*

Yes, seethe on my journalistic pride.

The Sydman: Sooooo… first impression doon sa girl na nili-link kay Geist?
Evilbrain: Too much sugar in her system.


Janis treated us for drinks because it was her birthday. The culprits were her, Mark, Geist, Brain, (name withheld for fear of libel), Edson, Dulay, Hyubs, Kots, Allan, Blind, and me.

And yeah, there was another girl. The one that is linked to Geist.

The facts: She was nice but I don’t know if it was the alcohol in her system, but she seems loud… really loud. The girl looks like Tuesday Vargas and it was like open mic day in a local comedy bar.

Have I mentioned she’s really loud?

The Sydman: Scale of 1 to 10?
Evilbrain: 10996552826 to 10.
The Sydman: Dude, we are not talking about decibels... or pulse rate… and even speed of sound. Just stick to 1 to 10.
Evilbrain: For Geist... 10.
The Sydman: Is this because sinabi niyang interesante si Hyubs?

Alam niyo yung mga nurses na gumagawa ng case study about their patients? This could be what she was thinking when he first laid her eyes on Hyubs.

Evilbrain: I invoke my constitutional right against self-incrimination!
The Sydman: Damn it! All lawyers hate the media! Hindi kayo magiging lawyer kung hindi niyo pinapanood dati ang ALLY MCBEAL!!!!!


I had to say that.

Evilbrain: Hmmm… eto na lang: the first time I met "her" and I think she was still sober during that time, she scores 10 for Geist from my point of view. On the other hand last Saturday… well, you were there last Saturday so I don’t have to expound.
The Sydman: Ok... so... nung sober pa siya... paano nina Geist ginawa yung mga "moves" nila. I mean, may mga conversational skills naman yung mga gago. Why did Geist scored and the others lagged? And don't give me that bullshit na walang interested sa inyo because everything that shouts “Alpha Male” is a test of manhood!
Evilbrain: Well obviously matagal na silang magkakilala.
The Sydman: Pero pano yung mga hirit ni Geist? (name withheld for fear of libel)? Ikaw?
Evilbrain: Well (name withheld for fear of libel) played his part.
The Sydman: Malamang si (name withheld for fear of libel) nag-“barong doctrine”.

(Name withheld for fear of libel)’s barong is like his suit of armor. This makes employees of local bar joints tremble and people with mediocre occupations insecure. Whenever he wears his pink barong, no one is safe…

… This apparently bombed though when that girl showed up.

Mark Villasin: Sayang hindi ka nag-stay! Binabara niya si (name withheld for fear of libel). As in pag may hinihirit si (name withheld for fear of libel), it will be promptly shot down by the girl! Hindi ko na maalala in detail pero let’s just say hindi talaga naka-shine si (name withheld for fear of libel).
The Sydman: Siguro kasi hindi siya naka-barong?
Mark Villasin: Kumbaga nag-guest tayo sa talk show ni Jimmy Kimmel tapos si (name withheld for fear of libel) si Matt Damon!

Sarah Silverman is Jimmy Kimmel’s on and off beau. Silverman is also Matt Damon’s ex. Whenever Kimmel gets an opportunity to mock Matt Damon, he does it with gusto.

It was that bad!

Evilbrain: Ako silent with well placed side comments to get me in the conversation…
The Sydman: Like noong nagkita kayo ni Cindy, ikaw si "Mr. Side Comments Boy"!

When I first introduced Geist, Brain, and (name withheld for fear of libel) to Cindy, he was the guy that seldom talked but could deal a joke effectively.

This strategy is smart.

Initially I thought he was just plain wasted.

Evilbrain: Well Geist played his favorite part also.
The Sydman: Like the devil?
Evilbrain: Geist Played the scheming confidant you moron!
The Sydman: Which is the devil! Am I right!?!?!

Hmmm… so why am I saying Geist is the devil? For one thing, he threatened me to change his name so his relatives can’t google his identity on the internet. The other reason?

Geist: Have you heard Hyubs moan?
The Sydman: *printscreen*


This giggling emo moment was him playing Dota with our friends. It sounded like monkeys mating in the outskirts of an Africa desert. Monkeys should be offended by this statement.

The Sydman: So ano yung kicker? At bakit binibida nina Mark at Janis si Geist?
Evilbrain: Ala naman sina Janis at Mark doon.
The Sydman: WHOA!


For reasons that could sink a beautiful relationship (such as MY relationship with Cindy) this part has been edited.



To make up, for this tamper, here’s a pic:









Ito ang dahilan kung bakit ayokong maka-experience ng delubyo people know as Geist’s wrath. Para ba siyang isang magandang diwata?

Now back to the show!

Evilbrain: I neither confirm nor deny.
The Sydman: Sino naghatid pauwi?
Evilbrain: Ehem.


I am merely writing and posting this.

Evilbrain: Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?

I am MERELY writing and posting this!

Evilbrain: BISYO NA TO!
The Sydman: TANGINA! Kaya pala medyo chummy na yung dalawa noong Sabado?
Evilbrain: I don't remember. You tell me.
The Sydman: There was some kind of air of “hotness” revolving around him...
Evilbrain: Hotness, singaw, whatever…
The Sydman: So nung hinatid niya, pano niya nadispatsa kayo?
Evilbrain: Bumalik din naman siya. Hintatid niya lang DAW sa taxi pero parang antagal niyang nawala soooooo baka nahirapan lang siyang kumuha ng taxi. Ikaw talaga, iba ini-isip mo!

Well he got me there…

The Sydman: Yan ba yung tipong walang tint yung taxi kaya pinapa-moist? O yan ba yung tipong magwi-withdraw daw pero magdi-deposit din? Tapos withdraw… then deposit… withdraw… deposit…
Evilbrain: Ehem. I neither confirm nor deny.


Law persons are freaking hard to manipulate.

Especially if you are the Gigo-lawyer.

The Sydman: O sige pero ilang beses siyang hinampas nung girl? I mean yung hampas-gigil at hampas-lamas ha.
Evilbrain: Hmmm…

Hampas gigil is that force-laden hand slap you make because you are extremely fond of your beau. Hampas lamas is that smooth rub where the hand lingers and makes a trail downward to any point of the body where the “slap” originated.

Evilbrain: Hmmm…

Brain had to think long and hard.

Evilbrain: Hmmmmm…

He REALLY had to think long and hard.

The Sydman: Hmmmm???

And I HAD to help him.

Evilbrain: Marami ako na-inum nun e. Di ko maalala…
The Sydman: PUTANG INA NAMAN BRIAN KUNG IKAW ANG WITNESS, TALO NA AGAD ANG KASO!!!!!

Law persons are too safe for dishing funny statements.

The Sydman: Ehem… sorry… nabigla ako. Think hard. Mwah.
Evilbrain: Ewwwww! Basta may malupit siyang hirit noong gabi na swak!
The Sydman: Ok... so ano yun?
Evilbrain: Syd is gay?

That’s not it.

Evilbrain: Wait… wrong conversation.

I hate Brain.

The Sydman: So does this hirit concern about how the future is “uncertain”?
Evilbrain: Errrr… walang tatalo kay (name withheld for fear of libel) diyan.
The Sydman: Sabagay, yung isang opismate namin, one time sinabi niya na nandoon si jewel sa lobby ng floor namin… e Bisaya. Binugbog namin sa lobby. Akala namin si Jewel Mische. Akalain mo bang si Jewel Torre pala yung nandoon. So ano yung hirit?
Evilbrain: Abangan ang susunod na blogpost!

I hate it when the character gives an abrupt end.

Evilbrain: DUM! DUM! DUM! DUM! DUUUMMMMM!!!!!

I seriously do especially when I am the one "writing" it.

...
...

BITIN EH!

However, suddenly somebody buzzed me and told his take on what happened on that fateful drinking spree...
...
...

Edson: GAY!
The Sydman: O anong problema mo?

...
...
...
...

Edson Ortega... the adorable mongoloid.

END.

2 comments:

  1. Hmm bakit kaya ang tagal maghatid ni geist??? sweet talk??? mahirap maghintay ng taxi??? or.... your guess is as good as mine!

    ReplyDelete
  2. dude your guess is as good as mine.

    ReplyDelete