OFFICE BROMANCE: YOU WANT... EVERYTHING?





The turn of the year started off as superbly busy. The 11-day off was nice, but the aftereffects proved ghastly. It was toxic. I was slacking as much as I wanted to. Luckily, my blog has reached out to several kinds of people…

… deceitful ones to be exact. And while I browse the net to find a wonderful idea that I will eventually call “my own”, this happened.

BUZZ!!!

some Chinese guy: I want everything.


some Pinay girl: What do you mean by “You want everything”?


some Chinese guy: Everything about you and everything you have.

It was like it was taken out from some romantic pocket book… that doesn’t have the phrases “Huwag po lolo” and “Bakit amoy tae ang hininga mo” in their statements.

The Sydman: Ano na naman ‘to?!!?!?

Geist: Check this out! A new story for your blog!


This story isn’t near the levels of “newness” anymore. For almost a decade, this romantic saga has captured the hearts of many (insert condescending laughter). It had all the awesome goodness soap operas could crave for… jealousy, violence, hardships, pain…

Kulang na lang man-on-man action.

And after months of romantic abstinence, as the door of 2008 closes… may pag-ibig na sumabay sa pagkatok ng 2009.

Kapit bayan.

some Pinay girl: Eto ang latest.

Geist: Pucha! You should be PAYING ME to listen to these things! Para akong psychiatrist mo!


some Pinay girl: Pinapapunta niya ako sa isang lugar na maraming job opportunities! Siya ang sasagot.


Geist: HAHAHA! Eh di pumunta ka! What’s stopping you?

Wink… wink. Damn it, para tong blind item!

some Pinay girl: Tangina, malaking gulo ‘to!

Geist: Exactly. Yun naman ang gusto mo diba?


some Pinay girl: Shit. Paano ba magpa-renew ng passport?


Geist: DFA… check mo sa site nila.


some Pinay girl: Hindi ko kasi alam kung bakit bigla na lang siyang nabaliw ng todo saken ngayon.


Geist: Yuck!

Foreign country… no one to talk to… naghahanap ng isang babaeng sobrang haba ng hair ngayon…

BUZZ!!!

Geist: Here's more! Busy ka ba?

The Sydman: Saksak lang ng saksak habang nag-iisip ako ng idea!

Actually nagnanakaw ako sa internet ng idea…

Geist: HAHAHA! Ok, pipigain ko pa!

The Sydman: Sige!

Returning to the conversation…

Geist: So paano kung gusto niya talaga na pumunta ka doon? I mean… astig din yun.

some Pinay girl: Okay lang siguro.


Geist: So what’s the prob?


some Pinay girl: Nag-iisip pa siya kung paano makakakuha ng malaki-laking perang pang-gastos saken. HAHAHA!


Geist: Wala kang gastos and you get to see another country!?!?


some Pinay girl: Yun nga eh!

Sa mga panahon nato, don’t you wish you had a gay benefactor?

Geist: Malay mo may magandang work sayo doon? It's an opportunity sayo!

some Pinay girl: Wala akong pera. Meaning… kapag naiwan ako mag-isa or naligaw ako… Hindi nako makakabalik ng Pilipinas!


Geist: Tanga, nandoon naman si big gay guy na hawig ni Undertaker!

some Pinay girl: Hmmm… tama ka diyan…


Geist: I’m sure di ka naman papabayaan ni Papa!


some Pinay girl: Ni Daddy? Hmmm…


Geist: Atsaka may malaking project ka na!


some Pinay girl: NAMANEEEEEEE!!!! O
o nga ‘no. Gullible talaga ako pagdating sa ganyan. Shit.


Geist: Well di din natin masabi. Actually, hindi ka gullible pagdating sa ganyan… gullible ka pagdating sa KANYA!


some Pinay girl: WAAAAAA!!!! HINDI AH!

Actually hindi lang sa kanya. Geist and this blog is another fine example…

Geist: Pag ganun pala, paano na si Edson?

Edson was prematurely part of this love story. If only rolls of tissue paper weren’t smarter than him… this plan could have been perfectly executed.

some Pinay girl:Anong meron sa animal na yun at bakit siya nasingit sa usapan?!?

Geist: Well alam mo naman na gusto ka rin non! Hindi lang niya masabi kasi nga animal siya.

The politically correct term to describe him is “village idiot”. Other names worth mentioning ranges from “imbecile”, “moron”, “stupid”, “Chinese version of Dean Cain”…

Basta, anything derogatory.

some Pinay girl: Oo nga, ANIMAL siya! Pero hindi totoo yon!

Geist: Pero hindi sa pagyayabang… wala ka bang feeling na type ka rin ni Edson?


some Pinay girl:Wala. Kasi binubwiset niya lang ako lagi at bastos sya.


Geist: Hindi mo ba napapansin sa tuwing magte-text ka sa kanya na pumunta ng tambayan ay pumupunta siya?


some Pinay girl: Napansin. That is called “Jedi Mind Trick”.

Isn’t that supposed to be called “pheromones”?

some Pinay girl:And tricks are for dogs.

Geist: Tapos kapag nagyayaya ka ng gImik, sumasama siya lagi! Nakabuntot sayo!


some Pinay girl:Di kaya!

And while they were chatting…

The Sydman: HAHAHA! Lasog ‘to!

Geist: Tol before mo post, pakita mo muna sakin!


The Sydman: Sige!


Geist: Kita mo yung Edson part?


The Sydman: Oo! Buti hindi nakahalata!


Geist: Siyempre! Tangina, ang skill mo naman sa ganito, sakin mo natutunan!

I could disagree… but I won’t. I am Aristotle to his Plato. Meaning before I became worthy to teach morons on how to act in life… I was his most efficient guinea pig.

The Sydman: o sige. basta will do. may dumating lang na job order.

Geist: Post lang ako ng post!


The Sydman: GO!

Returning to the conversation… we temporary run away from the emotional nightmarish dog-orgy we all know as Edson.

Geist: Pero magiging painful yun.

some Pinay girl:I know.


Geist: Are you willing to go through that?


some Pinay girl:I don’t want to think about that right now.


Geist: Naku… alam mo… yun! Ang magiging unang problema niyo ay sa kanila…

Mainland Chinese people that lives in our country hates our people for turning their succeeding generations as “half-breeds”.

Geist: Pero this time, things are different. Hindi na kayo mga estudyante…

some Pinay girl:Alam ko. Architect nako. Kaya ko yan.


Geist: At siya?


some Pinay girl:Siya? Hehehe… ayun… kalbo.


Geist: Anu?

Anu?

some Pinay girl: This is fuckin’ crazy!

Crazy indeed! A day after that conversation, I was spending hours alone in the office, composing scripts for my back logs, when some idiot made contact and urged me to chat.

BUZZ!!!

Jorge: Ano ba yan! Wala ng updates! Labo!

The Sydman: Di lahat ng oras Pasko. Actually, New Year na ngayon. Basta! Work!


Jorge: Tanga! Wala namang oras na Pasko eh! Ang oras ala una, alas dos, alas tres, etc! At alam mo ba kung baket ang ala una lang ang walang "s" sa ala? Dahil singular you turd!

I was seriously busy and I had to endure his senseless wit while thinking of proper avenues in the net where I can steal ideas.

The Sydman: Go insult some other dude. Gumagawa ako ng plug for Martin Luther King Day.

Jorge: Yung artista sa bad boys at Big Momma's House? WTF bat kano ang audience mo?


The Sydman: Dude ang work ko ay sa INT’L CHANNEL!


Jorge: Sabi na nga ba e! Sa KALABAN ka na! Lumipat ka na!


The Sydman: EH PAG HINDI PAKO LUMIPAT!?!?! ANO, TITIRAHIN MO SI EDSON SA PWET!?!?! WAG KA MAGULO TAENA!?!?!!

Anyway, when I finished and I saw he was still there.

The Sydman: Buffoon!

Jorge: Na-miss mo ‘ko no?


The Sydman: Hindi rin. Nakaisip nako ng concept! That means I'm ready to do this!!!!!

Being the humongous tamporurot that he is, he was making isnab.

He’s so kaka.

Jorge: Wag na. Bored na ako. Ika nga ni… *may dumaan na pusa* … you're too late Syd!

But then, I posted this!

some Chinese guy:I want everything.

some Pinay girl:What do you mean by “You want everything”?


some Chinese guy:Everything about you and everything you have.

Guess what happened.

Jorge: WHAT THE FUCK!?! OK, scratch that!

The Sydman: Sige pare… paalam…


Jorge: I’M INTERESTED! I’M INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued.

4 comments:

  1. Geist: Hindi mo ba napapansin sa tuwing magte-text ka sa kanya na pumunta ng tambayan ay pumupunta siya?

    This got me thinking.. Kung sinabihan tyo ni tomi na pumunta sa area, pumupunta tyo.. Ibig sabihin ba nun mahal natin sya? I am scared shitless...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ngapla.. ang cool ng word verification ko.. "WHASTA". 'stig no?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Blind: hanggang dito lang kinaya ko...

    some Pinay girl: Hindi ko kasi alam kung bakit bigla na lang siyang nabaliw ng todo saken ngayon.

    i'm currently collecting my internal organs right now. nasobrahan sa pagsusuka.

    "ma, penge pa nga garapon!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Blind: 'currently' na, 'right now' pa?

    oh sh*t there goes my brain! *thud* *thud* *thud* *plok!*

    ReplyDelete