THE VALENTINE SPECIAL


This is the Valentine edition of my blog.

For those that is incapable to emit love and peace amidst their abundance of suffering and hatred, I advise you to wander off to other modules of entertainment.



Hmmm… you can go to http://www.pep.ph/. Balita ko break na daw si Jean Garcia at Polo Ravales…

Anyway… this is also lengthy so if you need to take a poop, now is the perfect time to shit.

For the past two weeks, work has been rumbling my balls. I think I am 70 pounds overweight, my DOTA time has been disrupted because of work, and the only refuge I could possibly think off is YM.

Take this example.

The Sydman: Ano pagkakaiba ng mga puta sa Indonesia sa mga puta sa Pinas?

Pototoy: HINDE MO SILA MAINTINDIHAN!!! (insert diabolic laughter) MAS MASABAW ANG MGA PUKE NILA!!! (insert MORE diabolic laughter)

But I am not mad. I am not even sad. For those who commented on my previous entry… this is my raison d'ĂȘtre.

Why am I acting like some crazy person emitting love bubbles while injecting French words in my blog?

This is why!




Yeah!

Jorge: Sweet ka na ngayon. Di ka na mean. You're such a cutie!

The Sydman: *printscreen*

Jorge: Baket?!? Secure naman tayo sa pagkalalake natin diba? TRIP LANG!

The Sydman: No pare... don't go there. Naka “paragon of virtue” mode ako ngayon.
Love is in the air… and I am breathing it. I am so happy… I’m like floating in the air. I can do almost anything… try the things that I don’t usually do like SWIMMING!!!




Swimming badly… inside shallow waters… I look like floating debris from a flashflood.

Anyway, when I first introduced the picture, I noticed several responses…

Take for instance, Phlebas!

Phlebas: GF mo?

The Sydman: Uu.

Phlebas: Nice! Congratz! Sinama mo na sa tambayan?

The Sydman: Nakita na ng karamihan pero hindi ko pa nadadala sa tambayan.

Phlebas: OK na rin yun!

I will stop mocking your being as the materialization of what The Undertaker would look like if he’s gay.

How about my lawyer friend… whose name shouldn’t be revealed… for fear of libel and other charges that would make me spend time getting ton-loads of soap bars off the prison floor…

"The Abogwapong Cute-torney": Tol, sikat ka dahil sa Avatar mo ha! SELL OUT ka daw according to Evil Brain...

And then there’s Via…

Viamike: Dini-distract mo ang fellow employees mo sa trabaho nila dahil basa lang sila ng basa ng posts mo… o dahil may adult content?

I don’t know what she meant. Then there’s this guy… who logs in when he feels the urge to merely cut a swathe through boredom.

Bajie: Sino yung unlucky girl sa tabi mo?!?

The Sydman: GF ko pre.

Bajie: GURLFRIEND MO!?! NICEEEEE!!

And even these guys gave great comments!

Edson: Oi! Ang cute naman ng picture ‘nyo!

Dulay: Kelan mo ba papakilala sakin GF mo? Para naman pakilala ko din yung akin!

The Sydman: YOKO NGA! Habang nag-uusap kayo, nagsasayaw siya!?! HINDI RIN NOH!

But then again… there are other comments. I bet you have seen these lines uttered from my previous blog.

Williamsuperpogi: HAYEEEP YANG KATABI MO DIYAN HA!

The Sydman: Oks ba?

Williamsuperpogi: Si Selphie ba yan?

And then you can see yourself agreeing to comments like these.

Chai: SINO YAN??? KAMUKHA NI (can’t say name because she’s living a different life right now and for the love of whatever your religion asks you to worship, it has been what… almost four years ago?)

The Sydman: Layo kaya!

Chai: Ok. Hair lang. Kilay… at… ngiti? Yung teeth din ‘ata…

This thinking at first seems harsh but with sanity flourishing in my cranium, I have concluded that:

I beautify people.

Yes, that’s why they look alike… my cute and cuddly persona could make a wonderful aura, determined to transform the unhappiest of people become emotionally refreshed which will in turn make their physical beauty more radiant!

I am like the Fanny Serrano of life!

Hmmm… that sounds so… F’N gay but…

I AM THE FUCKING STREAM OF LIFE THAT EMITS HAPPINESS TO PEOPLE (which I will eventually drain when my innate ability to act like a turd sinks in)!!!

The Sydman: Well, siguro ganun kasi ang feeling pag kasama ako.

Chai: Whatever.

This is why even the most annoying of people can’t make this spectacle crappy!

Jorge: Sellout, nagte-text brigade ako para mag comment sayo na sellout ka! Alam mo ba ang sagot nila? "Dude, that's not news!"

The Sydman: Inggit ka lang. BEH!!!

Cybersilence.

Jorge: Did… you… just called me… "beh"?

The Sydman: YUP!

Jorge: Dude, I'm just not into you. GAY!!! Btw… **printscreen**!

This is also the reason why I became righteous and I do not fear my life anymore.

Geist: MULA NGAYON PINAGBABAWAL KO NA ANG MGA CHEEZY LINES MO KAPAG KAUSAP MO AKO!!! FUCK!!! Man, I did NOT expect that you will GAY UP because of this!!! KELAN BA NAGING GANYAN ANG MGA USAPAN NATIN!?!

The Sydman: Mahal ko siya… basta nandyan siya… may pag-ibig sa puso ko.

Geist: PUTA!

The Sydman: Di ko na nanaisin na mawalay sa kanya!

Geist: ISA PA MASASAKTAN KA NA SAKIN!

The Sydman: Bakit pare… kelan ba naging mali ang magmahal?

Guess what happened when I went to the tambayan two hours later.

Anyway, there is a hidden story why the conversation became this… more of this later.

Since I started seeing Cindy, my friends saw me as over-shielding grouch. Fact is, I love what I’m currently feeling right now. That is why I’d rather let them insult me than her. Yes I know, I am too girly to be someone’s “Knight in Shining Armor”, but I think it’s about time for me to man up.

Seriously, she is giving me every reason to be happy with her!

The Sydman: Nagpa-Swedish massage kami.

Geist: Pucha! Ang sakit sa katawan non!

The Sydman: Hindi. Shiatsu yun. At ang maganda… siya nagbayad.

Geist: YOU LUCKY BASTARD! YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED!

I know it’s mandatory to never let girls pay pero I know it’s a FACT that guys love it kapag bini-baby sila!

The Sydman: ANG SWEET NIYA!

Geist: YOU LUCKY BASTARD! Yun bang couple rooms ang kinuha ‘nyo?

The Sydman: Lugi nga siya eh! Ang tindi ng kiliti! Tapos habang minamasahe… magkasama kami… naka holding hands.

Geist: SICK!!! SICK!!!

I will understand Geist if the next time I tried that stunt on him, he’ll pick up a broom and mercilessly swat me! But then again, understand me as I talk some sense to this guy!

Jorge: Kamukha daw ni (I still can’t mention her name) ang syota mo!

The Sydman: Hindi kaya! At hindi siya syota! Bangasan kita diyan eh!

Jorge: Ano ba masama sa syota?

The Sydman: Slang for short time yun gago! Rumespeto ka ha! Ang cono sa Cebu ano??? MAGISIP KA NGA!

Jorge: ABA MALAY KO! IKAW KASI ANDUMI NG UTAK MO!

The Sydman: Wag kang gagamit ng salita pag hindi mo alam! Pare respeto lang! Wala naman siyang ginagawa sayo eh!

Jorge: Tangina! Hindi naman disrespect ang ginagawa ko eh! Well at least… hindi sa kanya.

The Sydman: PURO KA DALDAL!

Jorge: FINE! AYAW MO NG SYOTA… EDI WAG!

Cybersilence.

Jorge: “Conjugal Heart Owner” daw… sabi ni Mark.

Cybersilence.

Jorge: AYAW MO DIN YON?!

The Sydman: TUMAHIMIK KA NGA! Nag-iisip pako! Hmmm… nagalit siya noong sinabi kong “sugar” at “cupcake” ang tawagan namin. Eh hindi ko daw hawig si Bobby Andrews…

Jorge: WTF! Eh bat kasi naman ganon hirit mo?

The Sydman: Sabi ng manahimik ka eh! Hmmm… “concept team” na lang siguro kasi siya ang artist tapos ako ang writer!

Jorge: YAN! GANYAN KA HA! Gagamitin mo lang ideas ko! Ginawa mo akong Gary Granada!
The Sydman: Hindi mo hawig si Gary Granada.

Probably Heber Bartolome… or the “Jess Bartolome” dude whom I mistaken as Jorge’s new beau. I have to check on my 70’s and 80’s OPM rock.

His reaction is scary. Is this a preview of what I should expect if I placed Cindy near them? I mean, I am sure my phobia has kind of disappeared (???) and I am definite that I will try hard to take care of this relationship and I am dead sure that… fuck! I’m confused! I need to get someone to check my bewilderment!

Mark Villasin: Mukhang maraming na-biktima yang peechur mo ah…

Nagtitipid na rin ako. Matagal pa kasi yung mid-year bonus eh.

The Sydman: Dude wala namang masama eh! Hindi naman siya phallic! Wala namang bakas ng racism o terrorism sa kanya! Why can't people just be happy!?! HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Mark Villasin: Hmmm… Well, they might consider your picture as gloating. Like “Haha, I’m being loved and you’re not” tapos yung ngiti mo parang “Haha, joke's on you”!

The Sydman: Dude! Would I not gloat? I mean… LOOK AT HER! I'm misunderstood… like an emo…

My apologies to Hyubs.

Mark Villasin: Alam mo ng malamig ang Valentines ng mga cossacks mo… insensitive! I LIKE IT! And I thought Geist was the evil one…

The Sydman: Tapos nag-away pa kami ni Jorge because she called my GF "syota".

Mark Villasin: So that’s what it means! “Syurt taym”… “syuta”… yun nga ang sabi ko eh… syota kasi sounds so masa…

The Sydman: Dude Jorge is 30! Manila sound was flourishing when he was a baby!!!

He could have been Gabby Concepcion’s preschool seatmate…

Mark Villasin: Lagyan mo ng follow up yung blog mo. Lahat ng mag-comment sa picture mo hindi mag-kaka gerlfrend!

The Sydman: Ayaw! Karma hurls an angry spell on braggarts!

Mark Villasin: So you admit bragging?

The Sydman: Dude I wasn't bragging when I first uploaded the pic! Maniwala ka! It was blown out of proportions!!!

Mark Villasin: So why did you put it there in the first place?

FLASHBACK… February 9, 2009. A day after our fourth monthsary.

It was Cindy’s day off. Being a Monday, I was at the office working while chatting. She shows up in the YM and we chatted. Before that, she was tinkering on the Photoshop.

This is pretty much our usual shtick.

Cindy: I LOVE YOU!

The Sydman: NO I LOVE YOU!

Cindy: NO I LOVE, LOVE YOU!

The Sydman: NO I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU! ACHOOCHOOCHOOCHOO!!!

Okay. This could have been fabricated. I don’t want to make you all vomit (this includes Cindy once she reads the things I’ve been writing)! I shall go straight to the point!

While chatting, she all of a sudden uploaded this pic as her new pic.

The Sydman: Alam mo ang ganda ng pic ng YM mo.

Cindy: Palitan ko? JOKE!!!

The Sydman: SIRAULO! WAG! Ang cute nga e… lalo na yung naka-green!

Cindy: Yellow kaya yan! Ang panget nung kulay! Ang hirap ayusin!

The Sydman: Photoshop ba yan?

Cindy: Yung kulay inayos ko… ang pale kasi eh. Wala e, yun na yun. Wala ng igaganda.

The Sydman: Di bale. Cute naman tayo eh. Hehe!

Cindy: At least di nako tatanungin ng mga friends ko kung ano ang itsura mo!

The Sydman: Uhh… so cute! Teka, penge ako pic!

Cindy: O sige… paano?

The Sydman: Naku Labs, email mo na lang. Hindi pala ako nakaka-receive pag sa YM galing.

Cindy: Ok. Sige, sa work mail ko na lang isi-send ha.

The Sydman: Hmmm… thanks Labs!

And after I uploaded my pic, this happened.

Evilbrain: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!

The Sydman: WHAT MINDLESS NONSENSE ANG SINASABI MO!?!

Evilbrain: SELL OUT KA!!!

I almost forgot. Happy Valentine’s Day from Honda Cars Philippines.

The Sydman: Siya ang unang naglagay niyan sa YM niya! GINAYA KO LANG MARK!!! IS IT WRONG!?!

Mark Villasin: It’s not wrong to brag. You said it yourself! What's not to brag about, diba?

The Sydman: Yes pero… DAMMIT! Ang cute nito para i-take down eh!!!

I was doing this while waiting for Cindy to end her shift. And at 12:30am… kailangan ko na siyang kulitin na tumigil na sa pagiging work robot!!! (actually naunahan pa niya ako)

Promise, I shall return to the quick reads.

Until my next installment… SURF PORN!


8 comments:

  1. outtake ba sa free willy yung video na yun o may bagong release na sequel.

    free willy vs. the butanding

    ReplyDelete
  2. your words don't effect my hotness factor.

    you're just jealous because i am a super hot person.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ang taba na pala ni Chuckie Dreyfuss ngayon...

    ReplyDelete