When Jorge decided to join a beauty pageant


This is the episode where Jorge joins a pageant called Caguyuman 09…

… as a photographer.


Jorge: Turd.

The Sydman: Hmmm you're here...

Jorge: Master of the obvious nga naman talaga…



Advantage point: Jorge.


The Sydman: … And still queer. What’s up?

Jorge: Wala. Kakagising lang. Tried to think of something witty pero sumakit ang ulo ko. Natulog ako 5.

The Sydman: P.M.?

Jorge: Yep.

The Sydman: Bum.


If I understand rural life, people usually wake up between 5 to 6 a.m. to tend to their livestock or plant crops.


Jorge: Pagod. Nag-shoot ako ng pageant kagabi eh. Andaming contestants na gumamit ng katawan ko! I feel so used ang saya nga e! Camel toe galore ang swimwear competition!

The Sydman: Gay pageant malamang yan no...

Jorge: Wish mo lang dude. Stop projecting your fantasies onto me!

The Sydman: Sabagay, gays won't fantasize on you. May taste din sila eh.

Jorge: I wouldn't know… pero since bading lahat ng kasama mo diyan, I guess you would?



I work in the entertainment agency. Whenever there’s a new matinee idol in town without any entertainment lineage, one would wonder on the depths the actor dealt to get a lead on a soap opera or a movie.

Yes… definitely an “eww” moment.


The Sydman: Critic mo pala yung video ko!


These past few weeks, my Canon Digital IXUS has been my best friend. The picture is clear and I can shoot clips with audible sound. The problem though is that I am only using Windows Movie Maker since I have yet to get a hold on a Adobe Premiere Pro installer and my work’s tech support prohibits any software installation on my work PC.

So one would wonder why I have YM on my PC?


Jorge: Kasi baket Movie Maker?!? Wala bang pirated na Vegas diyan?


I could have sworn that Vegas functions best for audio stuffs. However… compared to Movie Maker…


Jorge: Ewwness. By the way, ang message ni Blind sa YM niya ay "I'm Webcam". Hindi ko alam kung joke ‘to o bano lang YM niya.

The Sydman: OK lang yan, di si dulay yan. Malamang joke yan. Hoy, kelan ka maglalagay ng “Jorge-ness” mo?


Every since I opened my site for collaborators, I have yet to receive two interesting stories from Jorge and Mark (Mark has yet to anything to the site while Jorge is busy answering questions in Facebook).


Jorge: Pag matapos na tong hell summer ko! Pakshet! Teka, alam mo ba ung Beyonce na song na paulit-ulit syang naghe "Heyla, Heyla, Heyla"?

The Sydman: Single Ladies?

Jorge: Hinde. Parang slow. Na-LSS ako eh.


For those who aren’t “in”… LSS means Last Song Syndrome.


The Sydman: Ewan. Na-LSS ka kay Beyonce? Oo nga pala… nag-pageant duty ka. Wala bang rock songs sa pageant stuffs? Pwede naman silang rumampa sa tune ng Aerosmith! I’ve seen that!

Jorge: Dude meron… "I Touch Myself".

The Sydman: Ng Diviny something? Basta: first song… swimwear, third song… birthday wear, tapos second song… combo!

Jorge: What the fuck are you talking about? Ah. Tsk! Tigang ka na naman? You gotta stop peeking…

The Sydman: No! Rock songs nga eh! Kahit gaano pa ka-okay ang “I Touch Myself” hindi siya rock. Kinky... pero not rock.


I Touch Myself is such a sad song. Actually anthem siya nung isang kakilala ko…

Getting back to the idea, is the edginess of heavy metal rock taking away the appeal of the women in pageants? Did Rick Astley, Right Said Fred, Roy Orbison and currently Beyonce Knowles, Black Eyed Peas, Pussycat Dolls, and those other artists made their songs to become standard pageant soundtracks? Is rock making the pageant women look like sluts?

And don’t get me started with any Wham-like, Tears for Fears music because those songs pretty much prequel-ed powerpop (and emo for some reason).


Jorge: Glam siya eh!

The Sydman: 80's glam? Ugh.

Jorge: Ang saya kaya ng 80's glam!

The Sydman: Aerosmith nga! Yung mga kanta nila na Crazy, Amazing…

Jorge: Angel ng Aerosmith…

The Sydman: Dude Looks Like A Lady…


Hmmm…


The Sydman: Wait… scratch that. Pero still, ROCK PARE! Not George Michael rock! Mosh pit rock pare!

Jorge: Dude that'd be awesome! Dude Looks Like A Lady? Tangina, meron talaga don eh! Lady looks like a dude!

The Sydman: Wut? Ugh! Uncool pare!

Jorge: Kita pubes niya! Kaso pubes niya hanggang pusod!

The Sydman: TANGINA! BOLEX?!? EPIC FAIL!!!



For those who don’t know what bolex means, it’s the hair since above the genital area and below the navel. Basically it is shortform for Bulb** Extension.


Jorge: To the max! Noong una ko ngang nakita eh, “Ang lupit naman ng abs nya. Teka… medyo chubby sya… POTA! PUBES!!!

The Sydman: May nameplate ba siya? Ang pangalan ba niya ay merong SPO2!?! Tangina dude, di kita inaasar… pero alam kong income mo to… pero ANONG KLASENG PAGEANT ULET YAN??? TANGINA BABAENG MAY BOLEX!?!

Jorge: Noong pageant night nag-wax naman siya…

The Sydman: PATI BACK HAIR??? DAPAT LANG! POTA! Malamang siguro tinago niya yung gin bulag nya na nakasuksok sa gilid ng swimsuit niya…


Yes, I am telling people that ugly people shouldn’t join beauty pageants because it negates everything that the spectacle stands for.


Jorge: By the way, I’m a delicious maaaaaaaan.


What?


The Sydman: Delirious pwede pa. You are just a man… period.


Now I can probably see some sexuality comments flying in but since the conversation flowed nicely without anything uncalled for hurled in the process, I will let the readers decide on this.

Cue in Mark.

GAME OVER.

5 comments:

  1. which part?

    either way ang sasabihin ko lang naman ay asa e.

    ReplyDelete
  2. www.myspace.cn/KONGyansong:
    不是我不回留言
    2009/01/31 19:58 [未分类 ]
    分享

    回复您留言,说明您至少是其中之一:
    1。可能跟您太熟了,不回复隔天就挨打的那种
    2。发小,不回遭雷劈
    3。您太帅了,不回晚上睡不着觉了
    4。您太漂亮了或者是我喜欢的那型,不认识你不甘心
    5。老乡兼校友(是“兼”,不是“或”)
    6。和我的某一任记忆深刻的bf长得太像或者有相似之处,或者和我的某一任记忆深刻的情敌长得太像或有相似之处
    7。说话太逗了,太纲了
    8。在学校太牛逼了不敢不回(少)
    9。人极老实,诚恳。赶上许三多了
    10。想认识您很久了
    11。帮过我很多忙
    12。是我某个重要朋友喜欢的人

    13。我真他妈喜欢你那小性格
    如果这些您都不是

    嘘。。。那就别说话。快,悄悄滚
    阅读(2419)| 评论(52)| 酷点(25)| 收藏 | 分享 | 举报 | 分类:未分类
    http://blog.myspace.cn/e/403539424.htm

    我是 所知障

    必 "願生" "悉怛多缽怛囉PLANET"
    必 "願生" "悉怛多缽怛囉PLANET"



    http://blog.yam.com/leniya2000/article/18579417


    不結婚可環球
    懷孕期間 不殺害 眾生肉體精神


    必 "願生" "悉怛多缽怛囉PLANET"
    =>MP3.com.au 悉怛多缽怛囉阿門證據時效
    生生世世不當師教字輩
    臺北不婚獨子女 節能減碳不吃肉
    1+-cos(angle)=2cos(半角)平方 2sin(半角)平方 1+-sin(angle)=(sin角
    半+cos半角)^two

    ReplyDelete
  3. dude sikat ka na, may spam na blog mo

    ReplyDelete
  4. kaya nga e. hindi ko pa siya tatanggalin para astig hehe.

    ReplyDelete