Moj's Online Intervention

Life’s currently easy in the office. No impossible clients are breathing on my back… and yet there’s work to be done. I recently made new things at the blogsite.

I almost froze in disbelief when I altered my template and erased all the cool HTML things that I inserted. I also tried Adsense. I hope it would bring wonders to my site. I am aligning my Paypal as we speak.

Anyway, my online life is pretty much the same… until this problem surfaced.

(By the way, mukha ba siyang condom?)


Evilbrain: YOU BLOG’S COLOR SCHEME HURTS MY EYES!!! TWO PRIMARY COLORS RED AND BLUE??? ANO KA SUPERMAN!?!?!


I don’t think my color scheme’s bad.


Evilbrain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


However it could induce seizure attacks on the reader.


The Sydman: Color scheme yan ng Letran. ARRIBA!

Evilbrain: Still hurts my retinas!

The Sydman: Tamad na sa green eh. Besides, your retina will adapt. Just like if you open word, click tools, options, general, then click the blue background white text arrow and press ok.


Minutes later.


Evilbrain: I hate you.

The Sydman: What? It solves the light bouncing onto your screen!


It also gives me the idea that I am Doogie Howser… minus his current sexual preferences.

Did David Carradine really died like that? Because it was more of an MacGyver moment rather that a Kung Fu one…

Anyway, often I listen to other peoples problems.


Jorge: Kausapin mo nga si Moj! Pikon yata sa amin eh.

The Sydman: Ano ginawa niyo? Gay stuff?

Jorge: Ano pa!

The Sydman: Gaano ba kagrabe sinabi mo? Moj isn't like Mark in terms of acceptance?

Jorge: Oh hell no.


It all started when some normal quiz was answered by this fellow.

Moj took the What ethnicity are you, REALLY? quiz and got the result: You are actually WHITE..
You are actually WHITE:
It actually opened some malicious minds to insinuate.


Jorge: Tsk. Nakakahiya ka! Wala kang pagmamahal sa sarili mong lahi... TEKA. MERON PALA! Kapwa lalaki nga lang…

Moj: That's funny Jor... NOT!

Mark Villasin: Pati kulay mo pinagdududahan mo?

Jorge: Siya ay kulay pink.. kulay ng mga “horsicorn”…


I believe that’s a person that looks like a horse… pero naka-cutex sila at pink ang tassels sa katawan.


Moj: Kung di ka ba naman bano't kalahati eh! Ay, mali pala! Kung di ba naman KAYO bano't kalahati eh!

Mark Villasin: Periwinkle ang tunay na kulay ni Moj kasi alangan na blue… at alangan na purple.

Moj’s Facebook Friend 1: Ang taray ng kulay… periwinkle.


I don’t know him. So I guess I’ll spare his decency in my blog.


Moj: Ngayon alam ko na kung bakit ang daming alam ni Mark about gay stuff... because he IS!

Mark Villasin: It takes one to know one.


Writer’s Note: AWESOME BURN!


Moj’s Facebook Friend 1: Di ka parin ba aamin Moj?

Moj: Aamin na. Aamin na nga eh. Guys... isa akong lalake, at mas lalake pa ako sa inyong tatlo! Mag-fuse man kayong tatlo, di niyo maa-abot lebel ng pagkalalake ko! MGA BULBOL!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!

Moj’s Facebook Friend 1: Ganun na lang ba katindi ang determinasyon mong patunayan ang tunay mong kasarian? *sigh*

Moj: Di… yun lang ang katotohanan! Oink, oink!


Writer’s Note: What the hell is an “oink, oink”?


Mark Villasin: Lalaking kulay periwinkle… dapat may sigaw para ma-convince mo kami. LALAKI AKO!!!

Jorge: Ang lakas ng denial instincts talaga… Sige Moj, itago mo lang hangga't kaya mo pa!

Moj: Shut up Jor! You're not even half a man, that I am… considering your size… wala pa rin! Kulang na kulang, blob meister!

Moj’s Facebook Friend 1: Periwinkle horsicorn!

Jorge: Guys, sabay tayo… "it's ok Moj! it's ok!"


Part of that Facebook thread will return at the end of the article.

By the way, I never thought the color periwinkle could be seriously insulting.


The Sydman: Hmmm... saw it. Ang haba. Very insulting. Yet extremely sensible.

Jorge: Facebook is the new snapshots! Totoo! Hindi na YM!

The Sydman: Uhhh... pwede.

Jorge: Oo dude mas masaya! Kasi di kelangan online at the same time!

The Sydman: Pero via topic lang ang asaran.

Jorge: True. Meron pa din niche ang YM.

The Sydman: Although it still ends up with the usual shtick about the other's manhood...

Jorge: De, si Moj lang yun.

The Sydman: Umm... I beg to disagree.


Which I why in the interest of “taking the other side of the story”… I got the privilege to get Moj to stand up and fight for his manhood. I am sorry guys but in this part of the story I will be credible and unbiased. For those who want to not read this, YOU CAN CLICK TO YOUR FAVORITE PORNSITE BECAUSE IF YOU KNOW ME I BELIEVE THAT FAIR REPORTING IS THE ONLY REAL FREEDOM THAT PRESS COULD OBTAIN!


The Sydman: Wazup?

Moj: Hmm... the sky?

The Sydman: Funny.

Moj: Thanks!

The Sydman: Ano tong nababalitaan ko na tampururot ka raw kay Jorge? He's not funny when he's sad!


Actually acrying Jorge could be hilarious…


Moj: You're so last year pare.

The Sydman: So, pinatawad mo na siya? For telling you that you're not a man?

Moj: Dumalaw ka naman kasi sa Facebook para malaman mo.

The Sydman: Yeah. Dumalaw ako. Actually kina-copy paste ko na yung statements doon as we speak. I'm just getting your take because of my “equal approach” policy.

Moj: Good!

The Sydman: So, anong masasabi mo sa mga pasabog ni Jorge?

Moj: It stinks. So interview pala to eh noh?

The Sydman: No, it’s not. Kung may magic mirror ba akong nakatapat sa mukha mo, iisipin mo bang interview ito?

Moj: Hmm... oo nga noh… di nga to interview...

The Sydman: So about sa sexual preferences mo... at one point inisip mo bang type mo si Gerald Anderson?

Moj: Sino man yun... nope.

The Sydman: Eh sino ang mga crushes mo sa Philippine Cinema? Naisip mo bang maging commander ng isang platoon tulad ni Rustom Padilla sa Mistah?


I rate Mistah as one the best war movies of Philippine Cinema! Dammit, why ruin it!?!


Moj: Nope. Crushes... hmm... si Maxene Magalona.

The Sydman: Hmmm... pero yung dating sikat na character actor na si Mike George... di mo ba nai-isip bago matulog?

Moj: YOU WON’T GET ANYTHING FROM ME GIRLYMAN!!!

The Sydman: O... why so defensive?

Moj: Defensive? Or am I being offensive?

The Sydman: Ang nakita ko lang dito ay di mo type si Gerald Anderson at Mike George pero type mo si Onemig Bondoc? why being defensive?


In case you didn’t remember what you read moments ago… this was the repeat.


Moj: nope
Moj: crushes...hmm...
Moj: si onemig bondoc


I had to cut the conversation because it was more or less a series of words that accomplishes NOTHING! But containing here are the last lines typed…


The Sydman: Tumitingin ka ba sa salamin at sinasabi mong ikaw si Katrina Haligi??? pero ang kasama mo sa kwarto ay si NOEL!?!


The Katrina Haligi utter was no typo. I overheard a conversation of a couple of prop boys in the company smoking area about the time they went to a strip joint and that was the name of the star dancer. They said she looked good… but they think she drank 8 bottles of Gold Eagle Beer before coming to the stage everyday because of the enormous gut she was wielding.


Moj: Ayaw.

The Sydman: Ang ayaw ba na yan ay after one hour nagiging oo?

Moj: Nope.

The Sydman: Pano pag naghubad sa harapan mo si Jorge? Anong gagawin mo?


For some reason, the subject has stopped answering the questions. It is wrong for me to judge but it seems that he experienced a tingly sensation in his crotch area.

But what is being “manly” anyway? I earlier had the chance to talk to a person with an esteem interest to become the alphamale of all alphamales.


The Sydman: Macho… labandero?

Ditty: Uhuh

The Sydman: SEMI-MASCULINITY FAIL!

Ditty: Sa sobrang macho sa isang piga… tuyo na t-shirt!

The Sydman: Pawis lang ba yan na binilad sa araw? HYGIENE FAIL!


What that gave our investigation is a great understanding of nothing. That is why I invited a couple of internationally-acclaimed experts to speak to further broaden the topic.


The Sydman: Debate lang namin: Paano nagiging bading ang isang tao?

Pototoy: Nagiging bading ang tao ONCE NA SUMUBO NA NG TITE!!!

Yes, by expert opinion… I meant Pototoy (this picture will never grow old!).

Here’s another international opinion.


The Sydman: Debate lang namin ni Mark: Pano nagiging bading ang isang tao?

Phlebas: Di ba dapat specialty nyo yan?


He doesn’t know what he’s saying.


The Sydman: Minsan ka na nga lang kausapin, mangaasar ka pa... BAD PEBBLES! BAD!

Phlebas: Seryoso naman yun ah! Eh di ba kayo malakas ang GAYDAR…

The Sydman: SAGUTIN MO NA LANG ANG TANONG!


And then he gave me this.


Phlebas: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay


Crappy research person…

Anyway, this is the end of the Facebook message thread:


Moj: Di nyo ba napapansin... parati niyo ako pinagtutulungan... kasi insecure kayo sa A-K-I-N! Ganyan talaga ang buhay guys! Better luck next time... LOSERS! HAHA!

Moj’s Facebook Friend 1: Tingnan mo, laswa na naman ng iniisip mo. Pinagtutulungan? Di kami ganon. Concern lang kami sayo kasi kami lang nakakaintindi sa true identity mo. Karamay mo kami sa laban mo tol!

Jorge: Moj… we're not judging you naman pare (este, mare) eh. Ok lang. You can be your periwinkle self…

Moj: Kayo lang kalaban ko, UGOK! Oink! Oink!

Moj’s Facebook Friend 1: Bat ba tinuturing mong kalaban ang mga nagmamahal sayo (bilang kaibigan lang ha)?

Jorge: Oo kelangan me disclaimer… bilaing kaibigan… not bilang kaIBIGan… don't get your hopes up… IT'S OK MOJ! Ok tama na.

Moj’s Facebook Friend 1: Closing remarks : we love you pare! ♥

Mark Villasin: Its because you show a lot of self doubt. That’s why were helping you figure out your true self.


We’ll end this investigation with the words of Pototoy.


The Sydman: So ano masasabi mo kunwari kay Moj? Advice kumbaga…

Pototoy: Kung gusto nya maging bading?

The Sydman: Well... pwedeng ano... pano maging hindi mapunta sa ganung sitwasyon.

Pototoy: Ahhh!!!


Two words: kapit bayan.

Pototoy: Ang advice ko eh kumain lng ng puke!


Yeah!


Pototoy: Sa una nakakatakot, iniisip mo kasi na dream mo magkaroon nyan. Hinde mo lubos na maisip na kakainin mo yung isang bagay na pinakamimithi mo! Pero once you pop…


Yeah!


Pototoy: …you can't stop!


Get Sydrified!

Game Over!


Pototoy: Tanginang tanong yan! Kala ko seryoso!

The Sydman: Maraming salamat, animal ka! Sige nagparami ka na mga Fil-Indons diyan!

2 comments:

  1. see older fb post for more of moj's antics.

    ReplyDelete
  2. nakuha ba ni moj ang name niya thru the f.o.j. girl group? we'll never know.

    ReplyDelete