TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE CRITICS


A seldom write film reviews.

And I am not a fan of the Transformers.

I am not a fan of this cartoon, regardless of how 3-D or how lengthy their stories are. Hell, my friends laughed at me because all this time I was calling the lead autobot Octopus Prime! So making me the authority for this film is downright tragic. I would rather make a mean-spirited remark about some random friend than do a review regarding monstrous metals.

Luckily Evilbrain, gave his insights.


The Sydman: I saw the status message… why?


Evilbrain’s status message reads “Damn you, Michael Bay”.


Evilbrain: Wala ka namang interest sa sci-fi so no effect ito sayo.


Actually I’m not really that giddy with regards to films that generate recall via pimping their latest technological props that unfortunately lacks the proper writing.


Evilbrain: Go watch My Little Pony or something.


What’s wrong with My Little Pony?


The Sydman: Sci-fi = date movie. I have come to terms on this especially when I discovered my inner “Trekkie”.


Yes, I go to the movies every week (if Cindy’s shift is 7am to 4pm) and rant at these movies when I found it dumb. However, it was revealed to me that I like Star Trek. I guess this pretty much explains my disdain for The Matrix, Harry Potter, and ugh… Final Fantasy. You see these films premiered during the height of the Star Wars mania. When I was in elementary, my Friday nights were spent with Data, Commander Worf, and that kid from Stand by Me doing slave work for Jean-Luc Picard and Commander Riker.

And whoever was that woman in that ship… pretty hot!


The Sydman: Pero that doesn't mean that I'll watch Terminator. I think ang pinanood namin noon ay Pelham 123. That's crap.

Evilbrain: Well Transformers will definitely suck for you if you’re a fanboy… but to the uninitiated, ok lang. Megan Fox looks hot though.

The Sydman: okay bakit siya crap?

Evilbrain: Basta only Transformers fanboys would understand. Maraming elements na sorta binaboy ni Michael Bay.

The Sydman: I could understand that... as long as I have Wikipedia.

Evilbrain: Eto na lang mukhang mahina ang Deceptecons laban sa humans. Parang after a huge battle and casualties, humans can actually beat the Deceptecons without the Autobots help!

The Sydman: Robot sila diba? Dapat malakas sila!

Evilbrain: Yun nga eh. Kontrabida pa naman sila… dapat malaks sila! E tinatamaan ng bala eh!

The Sydman: Bala is like their body part. Metal to metal is normal.

Evilbrain: That is not the point. Sheesh. Ang highlight ng point ko ay yung giant robot nila na si Devastator was beaten by a human weapon!

The Sydman: Di ko pa napapanood pero I'm all good if you spoil me!


Ayun pala, sigh away from this blog if you don’t want to see spoilers!


Evilbrain: Kumbaga para lang tayong mga langaw compared sa Deceptecons dapat!

The Sydman: Baka na-inspire sila sa assembly line?

Evilbrain: Yun siguro ang tradeoff for the US military to cooperate in making the film… dapat magmukhang malakas ang US army!

The Sydman: Pfft. So this means equally crappy na ang part 3 nito? You see why I hate sci-fi?!? More reasons to make Cindy watch Ice Age 3 than Transformers!!!

Evilbrain: At every second na wala ng robots sa screen at humans naguusap is the perfect time to go to the CR. Parang may sitcom na hindi nakaktawa na nilagay ni Michael Bay para mag ka filler lang sa kwento! Ok lang sana kung entertaining e! Sobrang annoying ng mga characters! Para silang uminom ng tatlong case ng Red Bull!

The Sydman: Even Megan Fox?

Evilbrain: No, Megan is hot.

The Sydman: So Transformers is still cool?

Evilbrain: To some extent, yes. Di ka mabibitin sa mga sumasabog na action scenes at slomo habang naghahalikan o habang umiiwas sa bala.

The Sydman: Anywho, sige, I'll watch this pero I am more leaning for GI Joe.


Yes! Marlon Wayans in an action movie! YEAH!!!

And then Brain gave me more reasons to check out Transformers.



Evilbrain: There. Happy?

The Sydman: What the fuck is that guy doing there???

Evilbrain: That’s supposed to be her dad in the movie.

The Sydman: It’s like optical illusion!


Ever played that game where someone bends over and then you face the sun and with the help of a lengthy instrument, your shadows are doing something that is not wholesome…


Evilbrain: Just crop it out of the way.

The Sydman: No! Daddies don't do that!

Evilbrain: Zoom in. It’s much nicer that way.

The Sydman: Walang kwenta! Madilim!

Evilbrain: Mamaya ka na pumunta sa CR, naghahanap ka na yata ng tissue!

The Sydman: Dude be right back. Endorse lang ako ng script.

Evilbrain: Sure… have fun in the CR.

The Sydman: EENDORSE AKO NG SCRIPT!!!



Watch the film so you can see their failed attempts of making something awesome.

GAME OVER.

4 comments:

  1. the chick-robot was lousy.. (cant they only transform into something metallic,not human-like?)
    also nung lumutang sa alapaap c sam to face the robot-gods only to be brought back to life so he can finish his mission..,
    and they killed off the 2 bida - sam & prime, only to be brought back to life again,.,
    yeah & ang hina ng forces ng 13(?) decepticons against the humans & a few autobots.,

    syd, did u say u disdain the matrix?,,,, what makes u say that?.. do u want to die? tell me what your problem is, u can talk to me..

    ReplyDelete
  2. that's simple dear via...

    POORLY-EXECUTED STORY!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. uy taga gma nagrereklamo about "poorly executed stories"!

    at hindi ka trekkie. you probably don't even know what a tribble is

    ReplyDelete