1tuffskool: Hardcore Chronicles - Character Introduction

I remember something that my college professor once told me when I was trying to make the most awesome journalism article…

All you need is a kiss!


Keep It Simple, Stupid.

The reason why my Hardcore Chronicles couldn’t work is because I think too much. Just like what I am doing now… thinking of ways to further this paragraph’s ability to get lengthy. Anyway, I created the first 15 characters of what could be a weekly episodic treat.

Here goes.

CHICANO: From the former One Tuff Skool series. He is still an obnoxious living thing. However, unlike when I first labeled him as Carlito Carribean Cool that is smoking pot, now I level him like EDGE but smoking pot! Also, to twist things, he is now Tsong Michaels’ most powerful ally and they now feud against Ayatollah.

TSONG MICHAELS: Another returning character from the OTS cartoon series, his “heartbroken-ness” made him hate Ayatollah for destroying his “fragile” heart. While he is still a good guy, his anger towards Ayatollah made him ally with Chicano. This character is obviously patterned to SHAWN MICHAELS.

AYATOLLAH: The once object of affection has become everybody’s thorn. With an ever-so-bloated ego, she wants Chicano and Tsong to suffer for being their ping-pong ball and not moving when she already wants to. Formerly Sienna from the OTS series, she’s now a vengeful princess resembling CHRIS JERICHO.

DIVA TISTA: Another returnee from the OTS series, she now understood that she has the power to destroy people… just like BATISTA. While she’s still slow (i.e. a dimwit), she doesn’t like people making her do things! Especially if they want to claim her affection, they should prepare to have their hearts get literally crushed!

ESTONG COLD: Once Tsong Michaels’ opportunist friend, Estong found Tsong’s newest ally unbearable. So he branched out of their team and aligned himself to Unmachoman. He loves to drink beer and he is foulmouthed just like STONE COLD… but unlike Austin, he’s virtually a whipping boy.

UNMACHOMAN: He is insanely muscle-clad but it seems to be not proportional with his head! Alongside Estong Cold, Unmachoman will bench press his way to reach his goals. A new character, he is based upon RANDY ORTON. Yes he hears voices in his head… the smaller head.

CHOCOTUNA: Here is another returnee from the OTS series. He is obnoxious, he talks without sense, and he thinks he is THE ROCK! Yes, I detest giving the curly top the People’s Champ distinction however people will always call him Yuckishi. Whenever this happens, a feud would likely start.

THE GREAT PEBBLES: He is 7’4 and loves to embrace cute-looking men. He is a pretty flower that was originally cow dung. Coming from the GREAT KHALI, he will torment the men by bullying them to loving him. He is strong and immovable and only Chicano can restrain Pebbles from administering very icky and super-malicious pain.

G.I. JOKLA (HARRY POTPOT/X-MEN/TRANSFORMER): He is in actually Josh Mio Marinella but he dons a character commanded to her by Ayatollah. Actually, a GANG of CHAINS wreak his body from the verbal lashing given to her by Ayatollah. Worse, he has three girls in his stable, the Pretty Mean Street Posse. On a bright side, just like JOHN CENA, on combat missions he can easily whip everyone’s asses.

THE MATURE BOY: He is practically everyone’s uncle that’s trying to be “in” with the whims of the yuppie generation. A cross between RIC FLAIR and HULK HOGAN, his ultimate move is a bunch of football players entering the ring and kicking balls on people’s balls.

MANN HARDLY: He is pretty much the person that controls the action in this universe (this being an online spotfest). Alongside Jazz they comprise of the Hardly Boyz. Whoever says bad things against him will feel pain… virtually like MATT HARDY. He’ll just let everyone embarrass themselves than stand in the spotlight.

JAZZ HARDLY: She loves to be athletic to the point that she’ll do extreme things like JEFF HARDY. Since Mann is a physical liability, she has decided to be the force of the duo. Together they form the most impressive mixed tag team of the federation.

ORACLE: She sees the events unfold from the future. She is destructive and mysterious like THE UNDERTAKER. She is the part of the Pretty Mean Street Posse. She’ll often think she’s a mythological figure or a sea animal but when she gets pissed hell beckons.

SKINNY JEANS: He feels happy when he is sad. He is an awesome submission specialist despite gel and wax is making his head dizzy, his jeans taking much of his circulation, his eyes bleeding from too much crying, and My Chemical Romance ruining his ears. This character was based on STING.

HAPPY MEAL: She has a burp bag in his head. Unlike in the former OTS series, he is now a 4’11 midget that is cat-quick and ultra explosive. Like REY MYSTERIO, his true appearance is hidden. He loves solving blind items though. He is pretty much the token player in this world.

Soon new characters will appear in the scene. They are either a bunch of corporate tyrants, macho dancer-looking hunks, people the extremely love pain, and idiots dressed as superheroes. Nonetheless expect this to break the web in the first week of September.


  1. teka wait what??!? binura mo comment ko?!

  2. hmm.. baka di napost.. *repost*

    FINALLY! The CHOCOTUNA! Has come back! To Sydrified! Go on and touch my biceps...

  3. hoy wala akong binubura! oh wait... dapat binura ko to e! wait til you see how your character plays out!