Alvin and the Chipmunks (The Squeakwell): The Review


Alvin and the Chipmunks is an art film.

DAMMIT, WHO SAYS I’M KIDDING!?!

Ehem.

Think Lizzie Maguire and Hannah Montana… with fur... in the not-so-kinky places.

Ross Bagdasarian Sr.’s 50-year-old creation has experienced rebirth after the successful release of the first Chipmunks movie. Justin Long (Dodgeball and Ed) reprises his role as the voice of Alvin just like Matthew Gray Gubler (500 Days of Summer) and teen star Jesse McCartney for their roles as Simon and Theodore, respectively. Jason Lee (My Name is Earl) and David Cross (Arrested Development) returns as Dave Seville and Ian Hawke and they added Zachary Levi (Chuck) playing Dave’s immature cousin Toby. Another addition in the squeakwell are the Chipettes, the female version of the Chipmunks whose characters were played by Christina Applegate of Samantha Who (as Britney), Anna Faris from the Scary Movie series (as Jeanette) and SNL alum and Parks and Wildlife star Amy Poehler (as Eleanor).

What I like:

I am a huge fan of the Chipmunks franchise. I never saw the first movie on the big screen so seeing it was a must. The animation looks awesome. How cuddly those Chipmunks were are okay. I liked how they didn’t really become outcasts in school (although Simon is a geek) and I actually like how the Chipettes sang new tunes.

What I didn’t like:

Okay… I’ll forget the fact that the Chipmunks is meant to be a family movie enjoyed by all ages so this means the teenybopperish, extremely light premise would be spared from my wrath.

But…

I was disappointed at how Jason Lee was used in this movie (reminiscent on how Emilio Estevez was used as Gordon Bombay in Mighty Ducks 3). Even if this is a way to introduce a third important human character (played by Zack Levi), Dave Seville should never become a sort of-cameo role to some goof invented in the last minute. I like the way Ian Hawke became a douche in this movie but what about Dave’s character advancement!?! THIS GUY IS AS OLD AS THE CHIPMUNKS! SADLY, I AM REVISITING THE HORRIBLE WAY THEY DESTROYED JOHN ARBUCKLE IN THE GARFIELD MOVIES (wrongfully played by Brecklin Meyer)!!! Hey here’s a thought: they should have done this on the first installment where Dave, a penniless and IMMATURE musician found a bunch of animals that would give him the tools to become a better person!

Shouting only “AAAALLLLVVIIIIINNNN” isn’t the only thing Jason Lee could do.

Actually looking back, Zack Levi is a better choice than Jason Lee if that was the case.

I hate the fact that Theodore’s innocence is the only funny thing in this movie. I know Simon is a nerd and Alvin is overacting but the material they had to endure is not funny! Why are they not funny??? I laughed at two scenes where Theodore said Granny was doing pole dancing classes and Theodore went to sleep with Toby but got farted and he can’t get out of the blanket. THAT WAS IT! I also hated the fact that the Chipettes sound current and better than the actual leads in the story. Why in the blue hell are the Chipmunks singing “We Are a Family”? The Chipettes were doing Katy Perry and Beyonce… WHY IN THE BLUE HELL ARE A BUNCH OF MANLY, STRONG-WILLED MODERN-DAY POP STARS DOING SOME OLD MOTOWN BEAT??? Hell I’ll even forgive them if they do N’Sync or Backstreet Boys! Hell I’ll even forgive them if they sing We Are a Family but change it up a bit with a Boys 2 Men like approach or a beatbox! Fact is, what a clumsy way to introduce the Chipmunks to the younger generation!

Also, the climax was one of the dumbest, lamest, and cheesiest moments I have seen in a long while. Why would the guy inside the limo go out, buy a toy chopper, and defenselessly go to these chipmunks unprepared and underprotected?!?! I also did not understand the mole. The mole said he was a cousin. Why is there a mole in the movie? WAS THERE A BACKSTORY THAT PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW!?! This led to that freakishly god-awful We Are A Family sequence!

Who was routing for Charice Pempengco to win here???? SAD TO SAY… ME!!! There were reports of her being part of a Pokemon live action movie. She’ll just have to paint her body in yellow…

She could pass up as a chipmunk, you know?

Look, I like the franchise but this trilogy experienced something that the Matrix, Transformers, Harold and Kumar, and Twilight had!

A CRAPPY SEQUEL!

I hope they make a better third installment to this because they can’t waste these adorable ‘Munks any longer!

Game over.

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