Legion: The Review (Plus BLASPHEMY 101)


In the film 2012, I hated the fact that producers can destroy the Vatican City and yet they are too afraid to destroy a mosque.

I envy the Islamic faith because it seems that people respect their religion more than Christianity.

So what does this have to with the Paul Bettany-starred Legion?

I’m happy that I don’t insult organized religions. That’s true because unless you do pagan worship, then you’re safe from my tirades. I won’t even go to details to devil worship and the other religions whose “leader” is a crooked man. I like Buddhism though. I think except for the Confucian teachings, the religion looks like Catholicism. I believe in karma, reincarnation, and nirvana so even if I won’t become a Buddhist, I know I can dig their ways.

Why am I saying this? Last January 23, I, accompanied by my GF, watched Legion. I chose this over the art film Tooth Fairy because I feel The Rock’s movie is too deep for me.

Insert the sarcasm.

The other reason why we chose Legion over the last movie of Heath Ledger was the fact that I can’t remember or pronounce the title and I think it will be too deep for me.

I thought Legion was cool because Paul Bettany should rule playing an angel out to save mankind.

I guess I was wrong.


What I liked:

This movie is conveniently set in a rundown shack in the middle of a North American desert. We see Randy Quaid asking the kid from Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift to lay off the preggy lady. Inside the diner is a thug, a young hussy and her parents, and a war vet. All of a sudden a granny comes in and she starts to jump on people, call names, walk ceilings and basically act like she has ultra-PMS! I must admit, the shock-and-awe button for this act was working awesomely.

And I’ll throw the kid from hell major props too. Tyrese Gibson’s character was relegated to idiocy when he ran to his death but major props to the kid, and the parents of the kid who agreed to have their son (unless that guy was a midget) curse and act demonic was truly awesome in every way.

Obviously the guy that made this slept and dreamt Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. Guess what? It was evidently seen in the movie. However, one thing you need to pick up here is that to get major props, you need a wicked story.

Just like a Titanic, the grandness of the flick sank as the scenes go on.


What I hated:

The director’s name kinda seems like Scott Stewart. I would have tried to conform if this is his actual name but just like his crappy story, I am obliged to ditch the thought. MAMA MARY AND PAPA JOSEPH WITH GUNS? SERIOUSLY??? MAMA MARY AND PAPA JOSEPH WITH GUNS????????

This is a nativity scene of utter violence. First you coin the Bible about the Archangel Michael and Gabriel out to follow God’s wishes to destroy mankind, then tell us that the world became ZOMBIE LAND and then we GOD instruct his ANGEL to eliminate a BABY that if this is the nativity scene, that baby could pretty much be…

AARGH!

The movie also cast their version of Mama Mary as some sort of a young, heartless mom that smokes even if she’s carrying a kid. Look, I could have accepted this (haha) but the succeeding scenes were too obvious! Is this some sort of vicious prank on Christians! This is a horror/thriller movie with little sense and inserting the religion bit was plain blasphemous was just begging for controversy (it failed)! I mean… people one by one dying? COME ON! THIS IS LIKE ANY RANDOM THRILLER THAT HAS JASON, FREDDY, AND CHUCKY! Plus, most of the characters’ deaths were more of stupidity more than anything! Two of them died in vain, one died of insanity, and two died because of NOT SEEING THE OBVIOUSLY LAID DOWN TRAP! The lady kid’s death was the only death I appreciated because it was an actual struggle that bravery and logic could endure (Plus points also to Kevin Durand for his awesome angel powers).

I was hoping to find something enriching during the film’s end but sadly I never saw it. Worse… these kids are battling a superhuman creature that can fly right? WHERE DID THAT HILL CAME FROM, WHY ARE THEIR FACES SHINING WHEN CLIMBED THE HILL, AND WHY WOULD YOU BATTLE ON TOP OF A PLACE THAT ANGELS AND WINGED CHARACTERS COULD HAPPILY CALL “HOMECOURT ADVANTAGE”!?!? YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT IN A F’N FOXHOLE! LET THE ANGEL TELEPORT INSIDE A CRAMP SPACE OR HIDE IN CAVE!!!

The lack of logic of this flick pisses me off! I like Paul Bettany as an actor but there is nothing he could do to stop this nonsense. One of the things I hated here is either Paul acts like a monotonous badass or a plain softie (to the shy gay level). Kate Walsh and Tyrese Gibson are “household” names that had little to do with this flick. The characters were too painful to watch.

Here’s the thing: It’s easy for this flick to get a good grade had not for the misuse of theology. What did Christianity (all sects) do to you to deserve this misery? This is why I’m envious of the Islamic world because people wouldn’t dare do this to them. I live in the Philippines, a predominantly Catholic country. At the end of the movie I heard no clapping and only a couple of individuals mumbling. And this is not the good mumbling… IT IS THE BAD MUMBLING! The film has the “stuff” that would turn people away if they are about to see a film with the “From the makers of Legion” phrase above the name of its poster. A couple of years back, Kevin Smith’s film Dogma was banned from the cinemas and yet the Movie and TV Classification and Regulatory Board in the Philippines let this “movie” show. The film Dogma was a lighter version of this and while it touched a couple of subjects (think Da Vinci Code but comedy), it didn’t depressed people! This came from a comic book? I bet that comic made sense like being "religion-friendly" because this garbage would never have seen screen time if it didn't!

And the ending? Yeah… Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus riding off the sunset with an enormous load of guns at the back of their car is a clear indication of how they stuck on being blasphemous!

What? Did I “spoiled” you enough from watching this movie? THAT’S MY POINT! UNLESS YOU LIKE SATAN WORSHIP, THIS CRAP IS FOR YOU! IF NOT, STAY AWAY FROM THE MOVIE!

GAME OVER!

6 comments:

  1. I'm washing my pain by watching high school musical.

    yes, I'll pick that over Legion ANYTIME!

    (wait... I can take back what I said right?)

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  2. Hubby and I went and saw Legion, and like you were hoping that it would be a good movie. We had recently seen Daybreakers and needed something good to wash that bad movie out of our brains. Unfortunately, Legion wasn't it. It could have been much much better, but instead of focusing on the aspects of the story that were intriguing, they flooded everything with guns instead. Book of Eli was much much better.

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  3. I could have watched Daybreakers but I didn't. Reason for that was the poster had a big monster covering most of the paper while the lead character Ethan Hawke was a mere inset.

    And yeah, it looked like a B-movie.

    Legion is a glossy version of the Daybreakers.

    Before I step to a movie house I'll make sure that I go to the Rotten Tomatoes website first!

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  4. hey syd, don't forget your imdb.com - blind

    ReplyDelete