RAW VERSUS IMPACT (JAN 4, 2009)


January 4, 2010 (US Time)

The biggest head-to-head in wrestling has happened.

Let’s check out the happenings!



GAME STARTS NOW!

ROUND ONE

WWE: BRET F’N HART!!!

The Hitman welcomed the crowd and the arena went FN nuts! He thanked the fans and then told the crowd how great it was to be part of WWE’s past and present. He calls out Shawn Michaels and he comes out. Bret wants to bury the hatchet and the two shake hands to the delight of the crowd. He then calls out Vince McMahon but he was a no-show!

TNA: TIME FOR A CHANGE

After a “Time for a change” video montage, Mike Tenay and Taz welcomed the audience for the first match which was a steel asylum match (TNA’s cage match). It features Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley, Homicide and Kiyoshi, Suicide and Amazing Red, and Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed. Later in the match Homicide assaulted everyone with a baton and was about to climb out when JEFF HARDY comes out to attack Homicide. Afterwards he sits on top of the structure with the delight of the crowd.

ANALYSIS: Wow. Bret is a great addition but the Hardy loss reeks for WWE. Is Hardy allowed to do that? Isn’t CM Punk STILL blasting Jeff in his promos? With Linda McMahon trying to be elected in the Senate, Hardy’s drug possession charge is bad for her campaign and whilst the Bret hype is still there, this is a slim win margin for WWE.

Hmmm… actually, let’s scratch this shit altogether (I’m just being lazy). WWE made its move to push the Royal Rumble with MVP becoming the number one contender for The Miz’ US belt. Maryse hits the French Kiss on Brie Bella to advance in the Divas Tournament. DX wins against Jeri-Show via the midget cheat, sending Jericho packing to never return to Raw again (not unless it’s an inter-brand joust). Sheamus owned Evan Bourne while Randy Orton defeated Kofi Kingston (loser gets the boot in the Legacy stable).

In TNA however, it seems like a bunch of WWE discards and former WCW employees are getting paraded to the fans.

Let’s do the roll call:

Bubba the Love Sponge – I think this guy is a radio announcer or something. He’s a backstage guy so I hope he doesn’t overact. I’m not peeved since I don’t watch TNA…

Shannon Moore – The Prince of Punk is Jeff Hardy’s best friend. I don’t know how he’ll play out here but past WWE work reduced him to jobber status.

Ric Flair – I hate him wrestling in the US because he will tarnish the amazing retirement ceremony WWE made for this 60-ish legend. However he could be awesome in some sort of mentor role…

Scott Hall – Formerly Razor Ramon and founding member of the NWO, his last TNA appearance was a no-show that sent Kevin Nash to anxiety land. I like him in the 90’s…

Sean Waltman – Formerly X-Pac and another founding member of the NWO, I don’t like the way this is playing out. Remember the sex tape he did with Chyna?

Eric Bischoff – This is a great pick for TNA because Easy E definitely brings credibility to the TNA as an organization. I just hope he doesn’t make TNA WCW dos because it will not work in their current setup.

Sean Morley – Better known as Val Venis, he will again play the persona of a retired porn star inside a wrestling ring. I just don’t know how he will be used since he is old and often injured.

The Nasty Boys – What the fuck? Why are these guys here? They badly wrestled in the 90’s and a decade later won’t help these heavy metal duds! I think they are back to feud with the Dudleyz (aka Team 3D). Just because Hulk is running the show doesn’t mean that they could put random things on air. Who’s next? Brutus the Barber Beefcake???

Orlando Jordan – Where is Rob Van Dam or John Bradshaw Layfield? Where is Monty Brown or Sabu or Tajiri or Super Crazy or Blue Meanie? Tommy Dreamer just got released… why pick up this uncharismatic person???

No Scott Steiner. No British Invasion. Booker T quit last month. Sting merely peeked in the rafters.

FINAL ROUND:

WWE: BRET VERSUS VINCE

Vince came out and thanked the hot crowd and the guest host which was Bret Hart. He then told the crowd that Mike Tyson will be the next guest host (Tyson was involved in the Austin versus DX storyline more than a decade ago). Then Bret came out and confronted Vince. Bret wanted to let bygones be bygones and Vince accepts… until he jammed a body part to Bret’s groin and ran out of the ring. This was simple but an effective way for Bret to grow animosity leading up to Wrestlemania’s main event.

TNA: ANGLE VERSUS STYLES

Throughout the broadcast we have seen TNA stars left laying by an unseen opponent. He also tarnished the already-rocky relationship of his with Jeff Jarrett. Then the main event happened – Kurt Angle was defeated by “The Phenomenal One” AJ Styles via the Styles Clash. Then Hulk heads to the ring thanking the two individuals. Then he notices Mick Foley forcing his way to the arena (Foley was barred from the arena at the start). Then as he goes to his office he sees Mick Foley getting pounded by Nash, Hall, and Waltman in front of Eric Bischoff. Hulk just stares in shock.

ANALYSIS: Ugh. In writing, whatever brilliance your concept has, you need to keep it simple… STUPIDS! What wonders would Vince Russo, Hogan, and Bischoff offer once this “bringing out of names” runs out of “mediocre” names to blast our eyes with!

ADVANTAGE: WWE

Unless Stone Cold, The Rock, a current WWE performer or a great Monday comes in, TNA will face rough times.

And yes, I’m not solely speaking with Orlando Jordan and the Nasty Boys…

Game over.

2 comments:

  1. I find TNA too theatrical especially since Hogan got involved.

    Bret returning to WWE is interesting and obviously it is Vince's answer to Hogan on TNA. I just hope he doesn't over use Bret the way TNA is beating the dead Hulkamainia horse.

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  2. tna's biggest problem is their overbooking.

    hulk sucked in his last stint in the wwe (the time after he last feuded with rock). He could do well as an authority figure that only wrestles in street fights because like vince, that's the only thing that he could do pretty at this moment.

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