He FN Bangs!


When I was four years old, I remember putting banana inside the tape player.

My parents never found that funny.

ANYWAY, I still can’t believe that Ricky Martin is gay. So when he was saying “She Bangs” it was actually a cry for help?

I am not ashamed to say that I had a Menudo poster in my room when I was young. I remember that during the Robi Rosa/ Charlie Masso when they had a very young member named Ricky Martin. He seemed very joyful singing in a boy band but he wasn’t near David Archuleta levels. He looks like the Karate Kid but with a singing voice (I wonder how Ralph Macchio is doing now). Menudo ended (just like any boy band) and it seems like all the members won’t see any recognition outside Puerto Rico but Martin return to the international scene via Livin La Vida Loca (actually he debuted in the US as a daytime soap actor which catapulted to the Maria song).

Look, I’m not saying that I didn’t know that this would happen, but I kind of wanted this to not because frankly I like to think that there are performers out there that could still bust a move and NOT be gay. He was singing “Guapa” and the Latin invasion went on a tear because of him and Enrique Iglesias! His entry to the international scene paved the way for Jennifer Lopez, Marc Antony, Penelope Cruz, and Antonio Banderas to have even better careers (I might be overdoing this but a rocket scientist should figure out how great the Latin movement evolve with him in tow)! With his admission, I am saddened to hear that we lost a chunk of manliness in terms of Latin representation in Hollywood. Was this cause by the character of that kid in Ugly Betty? We’ll never know! Elvis Presley is dead. So is James Brown. Michael Jackson died last year and we all know that his sexual preference is questionable (regardless of age). Hey let’s put Elton John, George Michael, and all incarnations of the Village People in this list! Add Neil Patrick Harris also to that list but I can’t fault him because he’s freaking awesome. DAMN IT, LET’S SCRATCH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ALTOGETHER BECAUSE HE IS FREAKING AWESOME! Ricky Martin seems to be the only person left that could act fruity and manly at the same time.

But that’s not real anymore because he has admitted to the world that he is half-man and half-woman!

So who’s the likely fruity but manly candidate left for men to idolize?

Right off my list is Conan O’Brien although... some unfunny man just pushed him out of his spot. Kevin Pereira could be a candidate but he doesn’t sing.

Adam Lambert?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh. Fuck. No.

Justin Timberlake could pretty much be the guy I’m looking for. He has been “Timberlaking” a bunch of celebs!

That is until he remembers Lance Bass.

Ugh. Still I can't fault Ricky Martin. He has given everything to the music industry and while he made it awkward for men to sing his songs to ensure a wrathful lovemaking, I bet that he could still wow crowds... even if this are the same audience that adores Liza Minelli and Barbra Streisand. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Game over.

2 comments: