Universal Motion Dancers: Onward - The Album Review


Fuckity fuck fuck!

When I was writing this, I was listening to “Feels So Good”.

Listening to it will make you realize how the Universal Motion Dancers sound like either Milli Vanilli or PM Dawn.

Imagine Wowie de Guzman singing in your ears on whether it’s love or infatuation what he feels for you.


Fuckity fuck fuck!

For whatever reason, I saw the second album of UMD entitled Onward and downloaded it. It’s kind of funny that after naming their album “Onward” their singing career just died. Fact is, it’s not really that much of a torture. While it is still torture for most men listening to the music especially when they are listening to this with their earphones on (imagine Wowie, Brian Furlow, the Salas Twins, and Marco McKinley whispering sweet nothings in your ear), their carrier single still had its moments. There were good singles written in this album and I believe some of them are better than some of the songs that we can hear in the airwaves. 

Unlike most songs now, the songs from this album wasn't really that emo. 

I hunt down their songs in the net to make friends cringe. i believe I ticked off a lot of people when I made them enjoy Dancing with the Motion and Sige Ihataw Mo straight from my office PC. 

Quality has somewhat improved in their second salvo although its moronic to say that you'll choose their singing over their dancing. 

One song stands out though and I can honestly say that given the right opportunity, people may find it as ear candy. 

Ibigay Mo ng Todong-Todo is barely a legendary song but for me it’s bearable. It was ahead of its time in terms of that this song can be song by noted pogi rockers like 6cyclemind, Sponge Cola, Callalily, and Cueshe.

Maybe let’s deconstruct the song for one sec.

NUMBER 1: The engine sound in the intro... TAKE IT OUT! 

NUMBER 2: The drum part and then the guitar riff were good but when they sampled parts of the chorus, it just sounded cheesy. Whatever voices they were making before the words “Nais ko” comes in, they need to trash it.

NUMBER 3: Those eight people singing the chorus should mean head-banging screamfest but since these guys have little range in their voices, the crappy singers drag the singing skills of the somewhat-better singers.

NUMBER 4: The instrumental before the chorus near the end part must be livelier.

Honestly, I can see this song in some alcoholic drink ad, and hey, bands like Parokya Ni Edgar, Kamikazee, Kiko Machine, and Itchyworms could do a rock version of this song like what Kamikazee did to Ariel Rivera’s Sana Kahit Minsan.

Fact is, Parokya Ni Edgar had a song called Halaga where they had a couple of former UMD’s dancing with them in its music video.

The rest of the album could be a disaster if you don’t want to see dancers parading as singers.  Otherwise there is a market for their music and that would probably screaming lower middle class women. But still, unlike their first two albums, they were actually evolving at this point. The singing quality is abysmal but the content of what they’re singing is workable. Whoever composed their songs has the right to have a singer that would give his songs “justice”. 

Rock with You could be a Slapshock, Greyhoundz, or Queso song. Love or Infatuation and Feels So Good can be a song for South Border or Freestyle. Shake That Body could be a tune for Mobbstarr. Ganyan could be tailor made for some upstart reggae band. Hell, Pagbigyan Ang Iyong Puso could be a song meant for True Faith or Piolo Pascual or some balladeer...

Or Willie Revillame.

Standing Together could probably be a song used by high school students when they have convocations, United Nations celebrations, and... Joey Albert.

Supermodel could be a Vhong Navarro song but of course... he may not do it because that’s just crossing enemy lines.

Do the Butterfly? That song can just burn in some place that rhymes with “well”.


Fuckity fuck fuck!

Luckily they dance well... 

By the way, to download the album, click this link

Game over!!!  


  1. dude. channeling lewis black while talking about wowie de guzman? not cool.

  2. tell me pare. what can i do?

    WHAT CAN I DO!!!