Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – The Review

This is the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie I ever watched... ever. Back then I found no need watching this franchise because I didn’t have a girlfriend then.

Cindy loves the franchise.


I always thought that this was Johnny Depp’s Hollywood sellout movie/s. I’m okay with this because even the great actor Gary Oldman is in one at the moment (The Dark Knight). Fact is, you have to pay the bills.

This Pirates movie is the first one without Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. While I am not a fan of Penelope Cruz, I am happy with this development. It looks like the franchise will have a second trilogy and except for the back stories of Jack Sparrow (Depp), Captain Hector (Geoffrey Rush), and Gibbs (Kevin McNally), it is easy for newbies to get on track with the flick.

On Stranger Tides is roughly based on the classic Lucas Arts video game, The Secret of Monkey Island which was also based upon the novel On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers.

The film is set years after the Black Pearl. Gibbs is about to be hanged because people thought that Gibbs was the legendary pirate Jack Sparrow.  

Oh yeah...


I can’t really say that I hate the movie because there are scenes that I like. However, I can’t really say that I love this movie because there were various points of this movie that I loathe.

One of my major beefs in the movie is that it had too many action scenes. The film was almost two hours and it could have been more concise minus the overflowing action scenes. And for some reason, even with the length I felt the movie wasn’t told well.

I must admit that the mermaid action sequence was awesome. The scenario gave the flick a much cooler take on the powers of the mermaids. However the mermaid scene hinted my other beef with the movie.

What the fuck was with that godawful love story?

It was unnecessary. It felt rushed. The two got no love from the audience. With Keira / Orlando story finished, they wanted to find a way to insert romantic aspects on the story. However, what the hell is wrong with the impending romance of Jack Sparrow and Angelica? It got people puzzled on the romance and this was one of the major stories of the series. Fact is, you can kill the mermaid and the missionary out and the movie will still live. Besides, the Jack and Angelica romance had a connection while the mermaid/missionary romance was shoved to the viewer’s throats but to no avail.

And by the way, about the missionary-mermaid romance... the ship’s crew carried an aquarium with a half-fish but when the aquarium breaks, they found out the girl can have feet! It could be me, but years of watching Dyesebel, The Little Mermaid, and Splash is leading me to believe that these pirates are a bunch of idiots.

And another thing...

Naming the mermaid SYRENA is stupid! Really? Syrena? The hell?!? In my country, the Tagalog translation of mermaid is Sirena.

This is like naming your dog “Puppy” or “Doggie” or hell... “DOG”!


This is the part of the movie they could have done without! 

And in the plot proper, it was the Spanish that got hold of the Fountain of Youth map. That’s just good. The problem is, the monarch that acquired the merman was only seen at the start and at the end of the movie. It felt as if the guy should have had more lines. I don’t know if this was neglect or the movie was saying too many things but that was an aspect that could have improved on. Also, the Spanish monarch favoured Catholicism over pagan stuffs like the Fountain of Youth and yet it seems as if they weren’t in the same page with the other religious person of the movie who by then is falling head-over-fins with a mermaid.

Johnny Depp had his moments but at times his dialogue is mere mumbling. This thought rises because I am used to American English rather than British English. I am not blaming him because he played the accidental hero in this story pretty well. He was a sleazy buffoon with a great acclaim for justice like the previous instalments and he has seriously owned this movie.

Geoffrey Rush is exceptional in this movie. You can’t really be bad at the guy because the fact is, you just like to hate him. I like the fact that he was a pirate in every sense except that he works for a person. I like the part where he had alcohol on his wooden leg.

He is cuddly at that.

Penelope Cruz is tolerable in this movie because to begin with, she is not a bad actress. It will take a while before she gets the amour of the fans that got used to the notion of Keira Knightley playing the femme lead. Penelope played his role as a scrappy double agent and this idea will make her role great in future instalments.

Ian McShane played the infamous voodoo pirate Blackbeard. He started out as being scary and intimidating with his “magical” powers but in the end he was just an idiot that’s desperate and needy. Sure, he would give up even his daughter to claim immortality but he was merely a gruff old man who wants to have one more payday. I think it was the writer’s intention to make him like that but for me it just wasted the awesome build up of his character.

For some reason, the movie reminds me of Lupin. Yes, Lupin the Japanese anime that delighted audiences for more than three decades. If they continue to make the movie a “pirate” version of the anime, then I am okay with this. However, they need to check out the value of what stunt they pulled so that people wouldn’t whine and get pissed and tell everyone that the number of Pirates of the Caribbean movies seen on the big screen should have been ended in three.

I expect the franchise to bounce back in Part 5.

Game over!


  1. Hahahhaha gotta love the way u describe naming the dog "puppy"~

    But regarding the love story...

    Ain't both of them suppose to be u know "psycho" so... the love kinda dun "blossom" the right way... -.-

  2. i kind of agree with you on this especially on the psycho part but i really, really hate that love story.

    it basically crap with faces on it.