Five years and more or less seven months ago, I learned about my wife’s pregnancy.

The first thing that came out from my mouth is “akin yan?”

I don’t doubt that I am THE father. I am just astonished that I will be A father. 

There’s a difference because aside from ownership, you suddenly have a duty.

All of a sudden, you have a responsibility.

And this responsibility could possibly be mankind's biggest hero.


Prior to my marriage, the only thing I properly raised is my blog. I don’t know how to put on diapers. I have no idea how to feed a kid. Hell, I don’t even like kids. So I was happy… and anxious… but happier… and worried.

I know how to clean vomit though… especially when you throw up inside a knapsack.  


I was young then.

Almost five years later…

So I’m at The Coffee Beanery in SM Megamall and in a couple of minutes, we’re going to watch Avengers: Endgame. Me, my wife, and my son. I am not that thrilled though, because my kid is acting like a spoiled brat.

And a day from now, Cassidy Railey will turn five.

His mom gave him a Paw Patrol toy while I gave him shoes from Sketchers. I vowed that from this day forward, I will try to resist the urge of buying him new toys and I will try to contain all the clutter he creates. Cassidy has learned to pack away his toys but there are times when I arrive at our house in the wake of dawn with his Tomica, Hot Wheels, Lego, and Cogo messing up the living room.

But hey, I gave him rubber shoes so he could freely run… a day after he slipped and fell following a wayward sprint.

So there.

It’s easy to make a child, and it’s difficult to mold said child to optimal perfection. I’m glad Railey loves OPM music and that quirk where I put French fries inside burgers, but he’s not a fan of soft drinks and pizza. He also lacks focus (mom’s side) and is overly sensitive to failure (dad’s side).  

When they said that parenting is difficult, I must be playing DOTA.

I think I’m sold with one kid, but who knows. Moms love sons and dads find their daughters a tad more precious and maybe in the near future, I will just strip down and beg for an offspring.

But then again, I just hate it when I demand my kid to behave and he’s not relenting.

As mentioned, we watched The Avengers. The three-hour movie bore my kid. He kept on standing up and he kept on asking if the movie is over. He would watch the fight scenes but reverts back to monotony when the mood turned solemn. I got ultimately pissed when he threw a fit as the closing credits roll because a lot of us are still checking out the possible final scene.

“Akin yan” for me is like Paul Desiderio during his UP days when he kept on insisting to take the game-winner.

He is my crunch time.

I will live and die with my decisions, regardless of its popularity.

But really, can I?

In his eyes, I should be the hero figure but the more I tell him to stop doing annoying things, the more I become the enemy. I mean, what father wants to be perceived as Thanos? Like what That 70s Show’s Red Forman once said, the world is a scary place for a kid to get babied. But then again, it’s not like I wanted to preach, punish and pester a kid for acting like a goon in front of a lot of people.

It just happens. You can’t help it. I try hard to keep calm and let my wife do all the disciplining… to no avail. Kids will try to test you and my kid, in particular, would just press all the buttons for me to go insane.  

Five years and nine months after creating my kid, all I can say is that I’ll continue to live and die to the principles I choose for my kid.

But the buck does not stop there.

When I come home late and I am about to sleep, it feels as if he knows it… and subconsciously move towards me and just let his hands feel my face. He doesn’t demand his mom to buy clay because he knows how much I hate him sticking it on the furniture.

And I could be forcing this but, when I bought him shoes, he chose the design I wanted over what his mom said.

I was happy.

Nuff said.

I am finishing this blog at around 2am. I just finished bathing and prior to that, I went to my kid and kissed him and hugged him and held his hand as he tried to escape my grasp… and from time to time smile.

Maybe when I say “akin yan”, he thinks of the same thing. He has a dad that’s overly sensitive to dirt, movement, and noise and he needs to contain his whims while appeasing my quirks.

We still have this running gag wherein I ask him if he loves certain members of the family, certain objects in our house, certain fruits he love to eat, and then the punchline is when it comes to if he loves me, he’ll say no… and then he’ll smile and he’ll wait for me to comically punch or strangle or bite him.

We started this when he turned one and up to this day, we’re still at it.

Good times.  

Happy fifth birthday, Cassidy Railey.  


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